Grieving
Divorce got finalized in March. We were separated for 3 years and I knew it was over 6 years ago when he told he didnt love me anymore and wanted a divorce. We stayed together for our daughter and other practical issues.
The grief comes in waves. Sometimes I’m fine. Then I’m not and cry my eyes out thinking I’ll be alone forever and replaying old memories in my head of when we got married 20 years ago. I tried to date a couple of men during the separation, then ended up getting heartbroken because the men were emotionally unavailable.
I’m so scared of being with another man again. My heart is so broken. I don’t want to have it happen again. I feel lonely af in my apartment. Especially as the night approaches and it’s time to sleep - I miss touch. I miss being held. I miss being hugged. I miss laughing.
They say time heals - and I’m sure it’s true, but I don’t feel it right now. I’m just feeling really sad. I’m sad a lot. Small things trigger me. Mother’s Day triggered me… when I saw him come pick up our daughter. Just seeing him made my chest feel heavy. And then it was a downward spiral from there. It hurts me that it hurts my daughter that we aren’t a family anymore, even though she says we will always be a family.
I’m just really sad. 😞