We’ve been together for 10 years now and have a 3 year old beautiful daughter. We both love her equally so there are no issues there. I’ve been pretty bad with money my whole life on account of not having anything growing up to now making a lot, and being able to get what I want.
So we’ve been living in this small one bedroom for the better part of 5 years with talks and aspirations of getting a home. In this economy it seems impossible. Because I came from nothing really, this place doesn’t seem too bad. I have my girls, we’re all healthy, and have a place to eat and sleep. I’m always grateful for what I have because it could always be worse. If I have my girls I’m happy.
She on the other hand grew up with much more. Two family household, grandparent with a house just down the road, cable tv, real apple pie life. So to her [29F] living where we do now seems like a downgrade. And I completely understand. I have empathy and respect for how she feels stuck.
So a week ago she tells me she’s unhappy and wants to take a break. She’s reassured me there’s nobody else and that she just needs space. And I respect that. The issue I have is that she’s now staying at her mom’s with plans of moving into her dad’s since he has 3 extra rooms. She doesn’t have to pay them rent of course so she can focus on saving money for a home.
On the other hand, I really had no time to plan since this came out of nowhere, so I’m left paying for the apartment. Because I don’t want to move for our daughter. And for work. My mother said I could stay at her place, but where is all of our furniture going to go? We’ve been splitting the time with our daughter pretty fairly, I try and give her [29F] as much time with our little girl as I can and vice versa. Work schedules can make it tricky. But neither of us are trying to keep the other from her. Never that.
I’m wondering if this is some sort of test to see if I can manage being on my own financially? For the past few years she’s always been there for me to rely on with money. If I needed money to do a job she had me. If I wasn’t going to be able to make rent she had me. Etc. And for so long I just never had her back. And it’s not lost on me, I can understand how that could become exhausting. Not giving her that sense of security she deserves. It’s obviously too late to just say “alright I understand and things will change”. I have to show her.
My biggest concern is not knowing how this plays out. On the one hand my heart says to fight for her and show her I can change. I’d be doing it not just to better myself but for her also. I love her with all my heart, and she’s the mother of my child, and a phenomenal mother at that.
The other part of my heart, logically, is telling me not to get my hopes up and prepare for the worst. That being her not wanting to come back.
I’m just not sure what to do or even how to think. Like one wrong decision and it all comes crumbling down. Like I’ve just been holding onto this burden of guilt but at the same time, if she truly loved me why would she put me at the lowest point? How could she discard me so easily? Maybe that’s what she feels I’ve done to her unintentionally? I’m not sure. Some advice would be appreciated. I’ve talked to her family, to my mother and friends, everyone’s words are so conflicting and confusing. I just hate being in the dark.