I’m not the biomom. We have SD 50% of the time. I’m not her mom. I don’t pretend to be her mom. I’m a stand in. We give up this weekend so she can be with her biomom. We sent her a gift. We got them a gift certificate to their fav restaurant.
I know I’m not a mom. But 50% of my life is being mom like. But I get no acknowledgment or recognition.
It hurts.
This isn’t life or death. But it’s an issue. My SD is 11.5. She is stunningly gorgeous. She is tall and developed and looks to be about 13. I’ve said she needs to wear a bra, especially on PE and karate days.
Her mom now identifies as a vegan hippy lesbian. She told me I can’t tell SD to wear a bra because that is patriarchy. Um. No. You bio mom have a corporate job and wear a bra ever day. It isn’t patriarchy it’s society.
I have sent to her mom’s home face wash and cream and deodorant. She used to have horrible acne until we started texting every night to wash her face. “Mom doesn’t make me” that’s fine kid. But you are responsible for your body. Do you want pimples or not? She hasn’t had a pimple in 6 months!
Did we though? I think I’ve finally started to understand why it’s so hard. I came into a life, schedule, rules, and boundaries that had already been decided on. I don’t get a say in any of it.
I have to be a parental figure but I can’t over step, I bend over backwards not to be the crazy new wife, but no one gives an inch for me. No one accommodates me. It’s always what the bio-mom wants. It’s always her preference.
She is nice enough, we get along fine, but I don’t get to decide most things about our schedule. Or holidays. I just say “whatever works for you!”
My husband is the best person I’ve ever known but I don’t know how to get him to understand why I struggle, feel resentful, or overwhelmed sometimes.
No real advice needed. I just needed to say this to others who might get it. I don’t know anyone who is a childless step parent.