My boyfriend (35M) and I (25F) have been dating since September of last year but we’d made titles official around December/January. I could feel myself wanting to start saying the “L word” around December but I didn’t want to rush things and this is also my first relationship in about 3 years. My previous ex was what a lot of people will say “the big ex” like the one who is THE ex because they were so significant in some form or another and I really didn’t think I’d ever feel love for someone like that again.
My boyfriend (we’ll call him Rex) and I are long distance. He’s in the military and coming from a military family myself, I know exactly what I’m signing up for as I’d watched my mom go through it with my step dad and I experienced the lifestyle as a child.
My boyfriend is everything that I find incredibly attractive and desirable male or masculine traits. He takes initiative, he’s protective, he’s chivalrous, and in ways he also fills a hole left in me by biological father. By that I mean how most women can say “oh I have this problem, I’ll just call my dad. He’ll know what to do” Rex is that for me. I was raised to be a very hyper-independent woman. To keep it simple, my mom hates men and I was raised to not ever need one. But I’m so tired. So very tired of “I don’t need a man” because yes I technically don’t, but also do you know how amazing it is to be having a breakdown in a car rental lot and just pick up the phone and hear “just hand them to phone and let me talk to them” And then magically my problem is solved in a couple minutes. I was in tears but right then I was like “oh he’s so getting laid tonight” because it’s so attractive to me.
I’ve dated a lot of assholes but I’ve only been in two real relationships (this being the second one) but Rex genuinely makes me want to better myself. Because of him I moved back home with my parents, got myself completely out of debt, been focusing more on my job and he pushes me to put in for promotions and will even help me rewrite my applications/resume or emails to put in for said promotions. He helps me financially in some ways but I’m not dependent on him. For example when I come out to visit him, he pays for my entire travel and if something has to be put on my card he pays me back immediately. But I still pay my own bills and save my money for things I need to improve my life, like getting dental work I needed. He just got his masters degree and he’s made me want to also go back to school and I never had wanted to go to college before him. He’s also supported me in getting off my IUD for my health and has supported every little milestone in my weight loss journey and will take every opportunity to remind me how beautiful or sexy he finds me. All this to say that he genuinely makes me want to be a better person and better version of myself.
Now, I finally said it. I had been feeling it build up and at first it was something I would have to stop my drunk self from saying. Then it became a sober thing where when he’s getting ready to leave I have to stop myself from saying “bye love you drive safe” and just say “okay be safe.” It finally built up to where I just couldn’t take it anymore and I’m not the sensitive “mushy” type and I hate being vulnerable so getting the words out was hard. But we were laying in bed in the middle of the night and I had asked if he was awake enough for me to talk and he said yes and rolled over to face me. I told him how much I enjoy our time together, how safe I feel around him, how much pleasure I get from our little time we do have together. I started to choke up and he was very patient and let me get it all out and then I finally said “I love you” and I just waited with bated breath.
His reaction was…confusing. His reaction, was rolling me onto my back and having sex with me. No words. Just kissing me and rolling me over and getting on top of me. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the sex, I always do and he never finishes until I do first. But I have no clue what that meant. I got emotional during sex and it was this beautiful tender moment of love making and holding each other close. But then when he finished…he just kinda rolled back over facing away from me and I suddenly felt tears falling for a different reason.
I just kinda laid there, trying to interpret what just happened and I asked him “what are you thinking?” And he said that he really appreciated me and thanked me for saying how I felt and that his goal is for me to always feel safe enough to be vulnerable with him. Then he started falling asleep. No cuddling but still keeping contact between our bodies like his leg over mine or holding hands etc.
I know rejection was a possibility, but I don’t know what this is??? Like I said I’d only ever been in one other relationship and I was very deeply in love with that ex. So I only have one other experience of confessing love to someone and it definitely didn’t go like this. Can someone please help me understand what just happened??
TLDR: I told my boyfriend I love him and his reaction was to have sex with me and then fall asleep. Not saying it back, but thanking me for saying my feelings.