My LO was born 2 weeks ago and I’ve been in recovery since. Told DH I’m not ready for MIL to visit until later (maybe 3-4 weeks pp) but he’s going back to work soon so wants to show his family LO. Also wants LO to know she is loved by family. Fine, I go along with it.
MIL didn’t greet me but immediately wanted to take LO from my arms. Again I entertain that as I understand she is excited to see her first grandchild. Then she made a big deal about her being a grandma in front of other relatives, and making comments like wanting to take LO home without us.
she ordered me around to put things in rubbish like she’s the hostess but I quickly shut that down. And when I held LO again she tried to take her from me but backed her hands away realising that was inappropriate.
Until near the end of the visit, she held LO again. LO began feeling fussy and started crying. MIL stood up to rock her and said “you just want mummy…I mean anyone, to rock you don’t you?”
She corrected herself immediately, like how she did with other behaviour, makes me think it might be an honest mistake?
Apparently DH caught her wanting to kiss LO twice, which is a rule we told her in advance that we do not allow, and she understood why at the time.
Some actions also make me think she sees me as an incubator and would be happy if I’m out of the picture. It’s an ongoing feeling, I try to express it to DH, but he keeps giving her grace as she drive hours coming, and prepared finger food for the meet up. But of course she’d do all that, she wants to see her grandchild.
Every time she visits, I get irritated and DH and I cannot agree on how to deal with the situation. He admits that she probably doesn’t respect me as much as she should, but blames me for not having direct contact with her. I’m no contact except through my DH. Should I start communicating with her more? If she continues to not show respect, and DH still gives her grace, what’s the next step?