i read a book about bondingtrauma/developementtrauma in childhood and what the symptoms/escapestrats are in today and i saw myself in such situations and by reading it i was in a state of flow and i had some somatic reactions my body/mind or ego what u call it felt an attack against and after a while reading i felt like a lightning strike around my head shoulders stomach throat and heart.I was surprised and clueless about it then stopped immediately and watched what changed.
Emotionally i felt really calm and present not knowing that my emotions are just shut down.Sleeps were normal but not really relaxing. Work Life was really effortless and i was happy about it at first because i struggled hard before all this. after 2 Weeks i realized im not good and this is something bad. Time didnt flow and everything felt mechanic stuff i enjoyed stuff i did not. after doing some research about the bookauthor all realization came i felt strong identityloss panic and anxiety . sleepless nights(only 2h a day or sometimes 2 days no sleep at all bcause brain does not go into sleepmode), disorientations, identityloss.
its been 6month and today i feel blood pressure going up and down nights in sleep or during the day but i dont feel the pressure bcause inside my body is all numb. Thoughts and emotions are muted too. i dont feel myself and when i do i get exhausted and immediatly sleep 4-6h. When i have socialy challenging stuff going on in new situations my brain gets in a loop and experiences wont get complete. My mind is simplified and complex situations are like ones my mind avoid or gets in a zombie state..
i havent got any profesional help because in my country EMDR/SE are not supported and we have classic therapy and i dont trust either
i appreciate any one reading or helping with tips.