I (26M) have been dating my boyfriend (31M) for 9 months. I have a birthday trip coming up in another state, and he was originally invited, but now I’m reconsidering.
A couple weeks ago, we went to stay overnight with his friends in another state. We used my car, and I rearranged my schedule the day before so I could pick it up early and stay at his place beforehand so we could leave early. I even ended up getting a parking ticket because of all the logistics.
The day of the trip, we first drove 1.5 hours to his mom’s house to drop off his dog, then another 1.5 hours to his friend’s place. Once there, I spent hours socializing with everyone, talking to new people, helping bring out desserts we brought, and even started a Mario Kart game with everyone to keep things going. By around 10:30 PM, though, I was exhausted. my social battery was dead, and I felt like I’d been “on” all day. I sat near my boyfriend while everyone played card games, but I was quieter and on my phone a bit while still hanging around the group. He seemed a bit annoyed however, and suggested I go to the couch, which I ultimately did, but came back shortly afterwards to just be around him. We end up going to sleep and that’s that.
A few days later, he comes back to me and communicates that he thought I had an attitude, that I wasn’t engaged enough with his friends, and even compared me to his ex who was also “quiet around his friends.” He said he wanted me to be more engaged overall, which was shocking to me because I already felt like I’d put in a ton of effort just to be there and participate all day. Instead of appreciating that, it felt like he was evaluating my social performance and deciding it wasn’t good enough
We talked about it more afterward, with the conclusion that it’s a non negotiable for me to get along with his friends. I however, can’t shake the feeling that now I’ll feel pressured to “perform” anytime I’m around his friends or even my own. Because of that, I’m considering uninviting him from my birthday trip because I honestly don’t want that feeling hanging over me around my friends on my birthday
AITAH?