I [26M] cant decide if moving on or going back to my GF [21F] is ok?
I met my her around march of 2025, I was at a very low point in my life. Losing my ability to work and drive due to blindness ive suffered with since childhood, relying on others together me places. Up until that point I had been in many jobs, but because of my vision I let my depression and anxiety kick me out of some very promising careers. At the same time I was also my mom’s caregiver since I was 13, because she had a stroke after a kidney transplant, and she lost her right side due to paralysis. I am now 26. My dad was always at work, and I at home tending to my mom and the needs of the family. It did teach me a lot of skills about future home ownership, for that I am thankful. More on my parent’s later.
January of 2025 was very unstable for me, I had given up my hobbies, outlook on life, hope things would improve, and felt like everything was crumbling. I had tried dating a lot over the years and mostly got ghosted or stood up. Then I met my now partner in March of 2025. We met online and talked for a few weeks before meeting up in person, initial dates went well. I hadn’t noticed anything that was unusual.
We started spending a lot of time together and seemed to really connect and gel, so we officially started dating in April 2025. Also in April my mom was taken to the hospital and we learned after a few days she had multiple more strokes, that took out her right side.
As time went on I was left alone at home a lot more, due to my dad being with my mom for around 3-4 months everyday at the hospital. During that time my partner and I spent a lot of time together to get my mind off of the home situation.
My home life overall was good, solid christian family, very active in church, I was even in a local bluegrass jam every week playing banjo. My family is very bible centered and overall no nonsense. They will tell you the truth, even if it hurts, very big on saving money and making due with what ya got, stuff like that. When i met her family things were drastically different.. partners mom and bio dad divorced due to abuse from him, now onto her 3rd marriage (divorced from that as of 04/2026) and she sepnt some time in a mental institution in 2019 before we met due to unstable mental issues and home life, the issues i later learned she had about 2 months in were: bipolar, depression and crippling anxiety and some orhers i keep forgetting. Also because of her weight, she had a lot of medical issues and we spent a lot of time in the ER together.
Over the next few months, things got interesting. We wound up having intimate moments before getting married, i left my church because she did not like the style (we eventually started attending the church that hosts the bluegrass jam that we both attend, that i mentioned earlier) and she had no routine or daily habits. She was not bathing regularly, not brushing teeth, not taking her prescribed medication, when I first saw her room it looked like a episode of hoarders.. there was mountains of trash, bugs, clothes and god knows what else.
She thought for sure id leave right then, maybe I should have.. but i stayed and helped her clean it. I knew she was ashamed, i didnt want to add anything else to it. As time progressed i would approach her about her health and hygiene, it was sparse effort at first but eventually we established a healthy routine and she was definitely doing better. Then it got nasty.
Due to her upbringing and trauma from abuse to her I domt think she had about healthy outlet to let this stuff all out. She began talking rude to me, telling me to “fuck off” when i gave her gentle criticism, eventually she started hitting me, and would lie and twist the truth and would always manage to manipulate me or her own parents to get her way no matter what. I approached her about it all and said if things didnt change I was done. During that time she was also job hopping a lot, couldnt never hold a steady income, had no sense of savings, the future or anything. Not just her, but the whole family.
Things dipped again after my mom did not recover and my dad and me worked overtime to care for her. But this time my mom was completely bed ridden and had no quality of life anymore. She left the hospital in July or so, and August 8th she passed at home. The night my mom passed I was in the ER with my partner for some unknown hemorrhaging abdominally. I went in at 12PM that night, got home 6AM that morning and by 7AM my mom was gone.. it was a long day.
We continued on dating and we made it just past the 1 year mark, we have had equally good and bad times together. Shes definitely better and healthier but the issues still remain. I truly fell in love, i believed she really was the one. After grieving my mom I eventually went back to working at a parts store (just hit 90 days on the 21st!) and it’s definitely been a challenge.
I changed my whole life from 2025, with her, I finally had something to look forward to, I began getting paid for work, i could actually afford dates and things now. From January til now it’s mostly been a blur of me working and us hanging out.. but I began pondering the events over the last year and realized maybe that she isnt the one.
This car she had was in her moms name, at one point she took it and restricted access, she still needed a way to get to work so we loaned her my old Chevy S10, I remember my dad and I watching it drive away and we both said “hope we don’t regret this.” 6 months later it was totaled in a crash, she was T boned by a distracted driver who ran a stop sign.
Working at a parts store i quickly learned the death of a engine is no oil and no coolant, welp, we had our “engagement party” on Friday and by monday they were PISSED at me. She had an oil leak on her car, would never maintain or come over at a decent hour where I could and this past monday she blew a hole in the engine block due to no oil, a simple PCV valve fixed the oil consumption issue, but it was never topped off after.. “its your job!” She says, now, I would have done it if she actually brought me the vehicle to work on. Currently she is without a car and is like me, relying on others to get to and from places.
So with my own vehicle turned into a scrap payment and her Kia now gone she is carless. She suggested we go look at a Hyundai and i agreed to only look. I have some money mom left to me and the money from my truck but its put away where only I may access it. Well, as I was talking to the mechanic about the vehicle her mom shows up and turns out my partner had told her i may be able to pay for the car with cash. She was there to sign the papers.
I told them both no, after the several accidents, 8 speeding tickets (most of which i paid), her credit card history and racking up debt, there was no way in hell id pay. They begged and begged.. eventually her whole family started blowing up my phone “if you really loved her youd do it” and “how do we know you can truly support her in marriage if you cant now?”
I told her she can learn to be like me, start saving, recovering her credit, and rely on others to get to places, it is difficult but not all that bad.. i rely on my dad and grandpa and formerly her to get to and from work, events, and such.
Now her whole family is acting like im evil for not giving them car money, and they are even more mad because I have money. Its been constant fighting, threatening suicide if i leave, and all the manipulative tactics you can imagine.. im just.. tired..
Tuseday 4/20 she took her sister’s car and showed up to my house at 11pm begging and pleading with me after attempting to cut it all off. It was our last interaction, kiss, hug and everything. I told her parents how she was acting: threatening suicidal ideation if i left and they said to block her and they would handle it. As of Wednesday 4/21 I officially cut off contact and blocked her as best I could, she committed herself to a mental institution and spent 24 hours there.
She reached out and said she was home and also very sorry, that she understands why i had to leave. I wished her the best and told her i hope she gets the help she needs. Things have been very emotional for me.
Its now may 8th and I find myself really missing her, i recently lost my dog this week too so thats not helping, i keep craving the good moments we spent together. She made the little kid in me feel so loved and alive, nothing like my parents ever did.. i keep wanting to go back, but everyone says i made the right choice.. i feel so isolated and alone. I try to keep busy with hobbies and work, but all it does is suppress my emotions just enough to wind up with another sleepless night crying.
Part of me misses the routines, the closeness, the everyday stuff we did. I miss the good, but i also remember the bad, im so torn on what to do.. i just wanted to be loved.
It was my first ever relationship, but i still feel torn, part of me knows I dodged something worse, but part of me wants to go back? I don’t understand. Any advice??