I’m 42 and have been in therapy for almost two years. I’m sitting here at work thinking about my therapist. He’s the first person I’ve felt truly safe with and it hurts so much. I cry so hard I get a headache the next day. After our session yesterday I made it two hours before I started uncontrollably sobbing. I don’t have any family or friends. He said that we need to focus on building one or two connections, but that makes me anxious just to think about.
I feel like an orphaned baby bird that’s imprinted onto him. I know what the limits of therapy are, but ugh I just want him. 😢 And I know I can’t have more. It’s also complicated by the fact that I’m going through a gender transition and he has the identity (gay man) I’m moving toward. All I can imagine is that I don’t have him and I’m alone again like I’ve always been. So I’m navigating trauma, attachment, identity, envy, connection, etc. and he’s my whole support system right now. That’s a lot for one relationship.