u/Bitter-Dinner-5673

hi everyone. i work with my abusive ex and i have to see him almost daily. we only dated for 7 months thankfully, i'm in my mid twenties. recently, we had a project that we were supposed to work on together next week but he went behind my back and took the client and then told the client to reach out to me to ask for their deposit back (we're both artists) instead of just telling me that he wasn't comfortable doing it with me. then when i confronted him over text about it and told him that it ruined my entire day of income he said "i can send you the deposit money if it's that big of a deal." to which i replied "that would be great thank you so much :)" and he sent me the money lol. of course it's a big deal. i'm missing out on an entire days worth of pay. so i've been ignoring him ever since then, i'm talking not even looking at him ignoring. we were sort of getting to a place where we could kind of converse normally but each time that would happen i would get extremely depressed afterwards because obviously that attachment is still there (we've only been broken up for a month.) im incredibly proud of myself for leaving, a little irritated that this may be one of if not the worst relationships i've ever been in and also pissed at myself for missing him. it's almost easier to act like each other doesn't exist but it's still painful.

I was dating someone for about half a year and it was a pretty bad relationship. I'm posting just some of the lovely things he did here to make myself feel better about leaving:

\- spelt my name wrong constantly in the very beginning of our relationship
\- drew on a picture of my face to make me look like a clown for his contact picture of me
\- said that he was only showering bc of me and bc of "his ocd"
\- constantly giving me hickies even after i asked him not to
\- pissed that i watched pamela andersen's sex tape in front of his friends during borat because it "embarrassed him"
\- i made it clear i didn't wanna date some who did a ton of drugs or drank a lot, he stopped vaping, smoking weed and drinking and within two months was doing all of these things again
\- yelled at his mom in front of me. swore at her in front of me
\- the first time i met his friends i went to a party at a college with them. within ten minutes of being there he was insulting my intelligence. i wasn't even in the room for half of it. he excused this away by saying "how was i supposed to know that that would bother you we banter all the time" and then told me he loved me later on in the night to hook me in. i had a feeling he was going to say this to me too.
\- the second time i met his friends he gave me his phone to play "whatever i wanted." i played a song by the weeknd that i liked. i knew he didn't like him but he said i could play what i wanted. once the song started playing he flipped out, said oh my fucking god not the weeknd and skipped it. his friends were in the backseat. i was super upset about this so i jokingly went to throw his drink out the window. we sat in silence for the entire rest of the ride and when he apologized he said he was sorry for being petty. i said you are petty. which obviously didn't help but later he said "i thought you played that song to piss me off" which is an interesting insight/mirror into how he thought i was behaving. almost every time we were with his friends he would embarrass me in subtle ways like this and then get pissed at me when i would shut down or get pissed that i would say something about it.
\- told me that i shouldn't talk to my friends about our issues because that's disrespectful to our relationship and that he "doesn't talk to his friends about me because he doesn't want them to think badly of me"
\- would never be in my corner. defended people who spoke badly about my dad
\- made jokes about my personal safety "no one would hear you out here" while we were hiking alone, he would constantly grab my neck, tap me on the face when i did something that bothered him (as "jokes)
\- got mad that i said a movie sucked in front of his friends "you're embarrassing me"
\- came over without asking, even after i tried to establish a schedule and routine for myself. - constantly called me even when he knew i was with my friends
\- put plans with his friends before me; i was never mad about him seeing his friends i enjoyed having a break but he was unclear about communication ex: he would ask me if i wanted to go somewhere after work then ditch me for his friends because our plans weren't fully "ironed out"
\- pushed my boundaries in many ways without care or regard for my feelings about them
\- if we "play fought" he would be very rough and didn't have regard for my personal safety or for me getting hurt, he only wanted to win (there were times i did get hurt, not severely but still)
\- he and his friends would drunk drive often leaving me to DD
\- left his toilet clogged for his mom to discover and didn't fix it, she fixed it for him and when i asked him why he didn't just fix it in the first place he said "i didn't ask her to go in there she went in there on her own"
\- defended his friend who abused my friend
\- defended his friend who's done racist shit
\- told me that when he says "im doing this for you" in regard to his "moral ocd" and his "cleanliness" because he would be so "distraught" if he "hurt me" and i would respond sarcastically "yep thats for me" that it was extremely dismissive. because what about your ocd is my fault
\- would get super upset that i shut down at functions and then would punish me by being extremely disrespectful and rude to me in front of his friends. i shut down at a friends party (because of previous instances that day where he was being rude towards me) and i told him i didn't want some of the food he was making and later said i changed my mind. he said in a nasty tone "there isn't enough and just remember YOU said you didn't want any." his friends gf noticed and said "don't worry lili you can have some of mine."
\- his therapist told us to "not talk about the government" and then told him that he’s "such a good person." i expressed my discomfort about him having the friends he has and she said that we "can't control who our partner is friends with because that would be abuse." he had a field day with that comment
\- said that he didn't have female friends because if he liked a girl enough to be around her he would just date her (signifies not seeing women as people or worth anything other than an intimate relationship)
constantly asked what i would say to people when we broke up. was constantly worried about his image or what i would say to people after we broke up
\- told me that because we both came from broken families that we were both destined to be “manipulated” and that “everyone’s a little manipulative”
\- told me he would help me with my dog but only would when it was convenient for him. got pissed at me while i was talking and left my house in the middle of the conversation
\- thought it was funny when his friends recklessly drove. (liked scaring me)
\- wasn't excited for me about my promotion, only focused on him not getting one
\- liked to lie about facts "for fun" and then would find joy in me believing him
\- got mad that one of his clients was being a pompous ass to me and was basically calling me dumb and was upset with me for not telling him off like i would tell him off, instead of being mad that someone would insult my intelligence
the time his client was being an asshole to me was interesting too because he wasn't mad at the client for being rude to me, he was mad at ME for not "standing up for myself" because in my relationship with him i would.
\- talked negatively about my mom. defended her boyfriend who is abusing her. said "i wouldn't feel confident with her either no wonder he's anxious"
\- constantly circulared arguments back to being my fault
\- accused me of cheating on him just because i didn't want him to view my camera roll
\- constantly grabbed my boobs even in non sexual settings and when i was upset about being groped all the time told me that we "both" do that. then ignored me for a day after i brought up how uncomfortable it made me feel and said i was "attacking him."
\- we had a minor fight (can't remember what it was about) and were literally hanging out and because he was mad at me he started making plans with his friends and was going to ditch me (in front of his mom and sibling)

these are just a few of the fun things I was subjected to. if anyone is dating someone like this RUN

.. so I'm posting everything he did that upset me here:

- spelt my name wrong constantly in the very beginning of our relationship
- called me a "libtard" to the point of me having to ask him to stop, drew on a picture of my face to make me look like a clown for his contact picture of me saying "libtard"
- said that he was only showering bc of me and bc of "his ocd"
- casual nazism
- constantly giving me hickies even after i asked him not to
- was pissed that i watched pamela andersen's sex tape in front of his friends during borat because it "embarrassed him"
- i made it clear i didn't wanna date some who did a ton of drugs or drank a lot, he stopped vaping, smoking weed and drinking and within two months was doing all of these things again
- yelled at his mom in front of me. swore at her in front of me
- the first time i met his friends i went to a party at a college with them. within ten minutes of being there he was insulting my intelligence. i wasn't even in the room for half of it. he excused this away by saying "how was i supposed to know that that would bother you we banter all the time" and then told me he loved me later on in the night to hook me in. i had a feeling he was going to say this to me too.
- the second time i met his friends he gave me his phone to play "whatever i wanted." i played a song by the weeknd that i liked. i knew he didn't like him but he said i could play what i wanted. once the song started playing he flipped out, said oh my fucking god not the weeknd and skipped it. his friends were in the backseat. i was super upset about this so i jokingly went to throw his drink out the window. we sat in silence for the entire rest of the ride and when he apologized he said he was sorry for being petty. i said you are petty. which obviously didn't help but later he said "i thought you played that song to piss me off" which is an interesting insight/mirror into how he thought i was behaving. almost every time we were with his friends he would embarrass me in subtle ways like this and then get pissed at me when i would shut down or get pissed that i would say something about it.
- told me that i shouldn't talk to my friends about our issues because that's disrespectful to our relationship and that he "doesn't talk to his friends about me because he doesn't want them to think badly of me"
- would never be in my corner. defended people who spoke badly about my dad (that person turned out to be a pedophile)
- made constant jokes about my personal safety "no one would hear you out here" while we were hiking alone, he would constantly grab my neck, tap me on the face when i did something that bothered him (as "jokes)
- got mad that i said a movie sucked in front of his friends "you're embarrassing me"
- constantly came over without asking, even after i tried to establish a schedule and routine for myself. - constantly called me even when he knew i was with my friends
- put plans with his friends before me; was unclear about communication ex: he would ask me if i wanted to go somewhere after work then ditch me for his friends because our plans weren't fully "ironed out"
- pushed my boundaries in many ways without care or regard for my feelings about them
- if we "play fought" he would be very rough and didn't have regard for my personal safety or for me getting hurt, he only wanted to win (there were times i did get hurt)
- he and his friends would drunk drive often leaving me to DD
- left his toilet clogged for his mom to discover and didn't fix it, she fixed it for him and when i asked him why he didn't just fix it in the first place he said "i didn't ask her to go in there she went in there on her own"
- defended his friend who abused my friend
- defended his friend who's done blackface
- was inside of me without a condom, and without me on birth control. he said "it would feel so good to finish in you." i started panicking and said "well don't do that. don't do that" usually he answers and reassures me that he won't but this time he didn't and just kept going. i shut down and he was like are you okay why is the vibe weird. i said why didn't you respond to me to reassure me. he said "i was trying not to come." he was speaking to me two seconds before that so i don't buy that either.
- told me that when he says "im doing this for you" in regard to his "moral ocd" and his "cleanliness" because he would be so "distraught" if he "hurt me" and i would respond sarcastically "yep thats for me" that it was extremely dismissive. because what about your ocd is my fault
- would get super upset that i shut down at functions and then would punish me by being extremely disrespectful and rude to me in front of his friends. i shut down at a friends party and i told him i didn't want some of the food he was making and later said i changed my mind. he said in a nasty tone "there isn't enough and just remember YOU said you didn't want any." his friends gf noticed and said "don't worry you can have some of mine." later i apologized for ignoring him and i promised i would be better about communicating and he justified being a dick to me in front of his friends because i "started it." said he would "never be the bigger person."
- his therapist told us to "not talk about politics" and then told him that he’s "such a good person." i expressed my discomfort about him having the friends he has and she said that we "can't control who our partner is friends with because that would be abuse." he had a field day with that comment
- said that he didn't have female friends because if he liked a girl enough to be around her he would just date her (signifies not seeing women as people or worth anything other than an intimate relationship)
- constantly asked what i would say to people when we broke up. was constantly worried about his image or what i would say to people after we broke up
- told me that because we both came from broken families that we were both “manipulated” and that “everyone’s a little manipulative”
- chose being a bigot over me
- constantly circulared arguments back to being my fault
- told me he would help me with my dog and didn't actually. got pissed at me while i was talking and left my house in the middle of me talking.
- accused me of cheating on him just because i didn't want him to view my camera roll
- constantly grabbed my boobs even in non sexual settings and when i was upset about being groped all the time told me that we "both" do that. then ignored me for a day after i brought up how uncomfortable it made me feel and said i was "attacking him."

these are just some of the lovely things i experienced over the past seven months. we also work together so that's awesome! wish me luck if any of y'all's mans do this dump him immediately!