I've been a lesbian for as far as I can remember, I've been with men but I think those relationships affirmed my attraction to only women. All in all most people I've met and told are fine with it except for my literal best friend. he always jokes about 'converting me' and saying 'i haven't met the right guy yet'. He phrases these things as jokes so it's hard to treat it seriously but i can tell sometimes he means it.
About a week ago we went to a mutual friends' gathering and ended up staying late. Said mutual friend went to sleep but we stayed up talking like we normally do, and we both drank at i would say a similar pace. At some point he brought up me being a lesbian and while it started off as a joke he kept talking about me needing 'some good dick to fix me', i would just laugh it off. he kept getting closer and eventually kissed me which i did actually reciprocate and idk why. I think i just didn;t think much of it at the time. then he started fondling me and putting my hand on his -- and at that point i was like 'im not sure about this' while laughing nervously but he just kept saying 'well im sure' and 'just stop thinking'. we had sex but the whole time i kept saying 'im not sure'. I don't know why I couldn't say 'no' but i've always had a hard time saying no to him.
At the time i just chalked it to drinking and have been having like multi-day spiral about my sexual identity. on the outside i'm still functional but deep down i've been questioning everything about myself. now i'm approaching the possiblity of it being SA. i didn't say 'no' once, just hesitated and i guess be convinced to do more, but is that SA? was I taken advantage of? we were both drinking and he was definitely more assertive but i really don't know.
please be kind, i'm not in a great mental state.