I’m feeling really anxious right now because I set a boundary after a situation with my fiancé’s family, and now I keep questioning whether it was worth it.
A few days ago, my fiancé’s brother’s girlfriend (21F and dating one year) got drunk at a family gathering and things escalated into an argument. My fiancé and I do not drink.
There has already been tension for a while because ever since his brother started dating her, we barely see him unless she’s involved. It feels like she has to be included in everything, and over time it’s created distance in their relationship as brothers. Even with my fiancé’s bachelor party coming up, we were told it would be at their house and she would be cooking for it, which honestly reinforced the feeling that she has to be inserted into every dynamic.
I’ve also struggled with her behavior because she tends to exaggerate stories, create drama, or become the center of attention. Normally I just disengage and walk away because I don’t want conflict, but this time I finally spoke up after she started making rude comments about our dog and about us.
At one point I made a comment that there was no point arguing because she had been drinking too much. That’s when she ran toward me, ripped my shirt, and scratched my face. I did not touch her at all.
What’s bothering me is that I’m actually proud of how my fiancé and I handled the situation afterward. We didn’t escalate physically, we left peacefully, and we removed ourselves from the situation.
The next morning she sent a long message that technically included “I’m sorry,” but most of the message continued the argument, explained why she was upset, blamed the situation on other things, and justified her reaction. So emotionally it didn’t feel like accountability. It felt more like “I’m sorry, but…”
I ended up setting a boundary afterward because I don’t feel comfortable pretending everything is normal right now. My fiancé has been supportive of me, but now things feel tense and awkward with the family and our wedding is coming up.
What’s really getting to me emotionally is that I ended up blocking her on social media because shortly after all of this, she was over at my in-laws’ house posting happy videos and hanging out like everything was normal. She normally isn’t over there like that, so seeing it right after everything happened honestly felt like a slap in the face.
I also sent my in-laws a very heartfelt message explaining my boundary and why I was hurt, and so far I’ve been met with complete silence. I think I’m struggling with understanding why everyone seems comfortable continuing on with her normally after she physically crossed a line with me.
I guess what I’m asking is: how do you know when a boundary is healthy versus when it’s creating more damage than peace? Has anyone else dealt with the anxiety and guilt that can come after finally standing up for yourself?