For bottom dysphoria how do you react...
Basically how do you react when seeing, acknowledging or anything with the bottom stuff. Like if I see the stuff in the mirror I can be anywhere from grimacing to near wanting to freak out and having to hold myself together from wanting to tear my hair out and balling down crying and wanting to just tear at the flesh. (thank goodness SRS is soon fml).
To even feel it in anyway is dysphoria, like it feels keeping back helps a bit but to remember it exists is pain. Hell, even writing this all and acknowledging it brings pain to my psyche. I even did use it once sexually, it feels like a blur of ptsd level nightmare. It was not a horrible event by any means but, I just don't want to remember I want to burn myself and cry instead of thinking of it. It just the idea of using it, attached to it, being anything of it is pure lightening pain.
Idk, I guess my only fear even is inability to have children after this, period. But then again I am near mid 30s and nowhere near having the money to ever support children for the forseeable future so it a pipedream to be honest. It just to close such a door. I don't fear anything else, not even death. I rather die in surgery or live in pain than to suffer with the current pain.
I don't know why I post this really, I guess to get my thoughts out, to express some real dysphoria from genitalia dysphoria. I guess I just want to see and confirm others feel the same when they experience bottom dysphoria.