u/Bints4Bints

Register for zad academy if you haven't already. https://zad-academy.com/en

The registration is now, and the course starts in August.

It is available as an English, Arabic or Spanish course.

It is a 2-year programme and it focuses on aqeedah, seerah, tarbiyyah, fiqh, tafseer, and hadith. It also has Arabic as an optional course.

It is very easy so you wouldn't be overwhelmed by it and you get to pace yourself by focusing on the tests weekly.

For those of you who are concerned, in my opinion I think you can still learn a lot from it even if you don't agree with certain things. Such as if you don't follow the athari aqeedah or share their views on women/marriage. You can just use it as a way to understand what different Muslims believe in and focus on the things that you do agree with more and can learn from.

The best part really, for cheapskates like me, is that it is free. Also if you don't like the programme, I think a lot of mosques also have lessons in person that are also free or very low cost.

You see posts from married women all the time where they mention that they struggle with a lack of emotional connection with their spouses. Or you see that advice being offered to men who are complaining about the lack of frequency for when they sleep with their spouse. Barring ridiculous cases where they're expecting way more than the average (which is 1-2x a week)...

Have people ever considered how strange it is to basically live your adult life being told to have high standards, to not be promiscuous, to not have sex before marriage. So naturally you will internalise the message that sex has to be meaningful.

Then as soon as you're married, you're expected to throw away the idea that sex is meaningful and that you have to give it in exchange for a roof over your head (which he may not even be fronting the full cost for!) I don't care if you are a man or a woman because for people who have waited for years, it makes perfect sense for them to want to be comfortable every single time and to have a strong emotional base.

If you are expecting the emotional side to come later or you don't prioritise it, then it is better to stick with people who separate sex from emotional connection. Plenty of people are able to do that. There's people who can even make a living from that ability.

It isn't rocket science to think that people who have purposefully waited for years would only feel comfortable with intimacy during time periods where they are emotionally and physically ready. They have spent a lifetime doing that, and that's what keeps their spirit in peace.

Don't they trust their wives?

Aren't they providing to give her a comfortable life?

Don't they want her to feel secure and protected?

It sounds like they're too focused on being hyper independent, selfish and not family oriented.

They come first and not their wife and kids evidently.

Sounds pretty funny to me if you say you're a provider but the money is going to your own pocket. Providing for yourself? Absolutely!

Funnily this isn't impossible. In my parents generation, houses were bought under the wife's name. In some cultures, the men hand over all their money to their wives to manage. At this point they are wanting us to believe in a cosplay of providing, which is just code for keeping a job like they do whilst single.

If men are allowed to have self preservation skills, so should the women. It's even more important for the women since the system is designed against them

I keep seeing posts where the women complain that their husbands are not satisfying them. No, I am not talking about the frequency ones because those just require consent and communication.

The ones I find puzzling are when the woman claims the man doesn't give much foreplay or doesn't want to. My question there is: Can you say no? If you can't say no and he just proceeds anyway, then you don't have a communication issue. You have a rapey husband issue.

I think easily solvable scenarios are when you are not dealing with the above, and all you have to do is communicate what you want. Sex is not a passive act that is done to you. No one tells men that they are required to have xyz experience to be able to know what they want. You also don't need to know what you want. You are allowed to experiment and explore as long as both partners are willing.

So if you are not dealing with a rapey husband, and your issue isn't that you married someone you're not attracted to or vice versa... Speak up.

Of course this doesn't encompass every situation ever, but if you suspect your issue is a result of you not expressing your own desires. Then I think you should be more vocal about it

A critique.

1. Paying for food to hand over to the chef to cook.

2. Telling an employee that they have the most important job in the world, whilst neglecting investing into studying about their common health issues, penalising them for completing that work as a "career gap", and offering them few work protections.

3. Paying to ignore consent and threatening with religious guilt.

4. Putting their body at risk by potentially engaging in risky behaviour which can lead to a spread of diseases and illnesses.

5. Criticising the employee for how their body changed as a result of their work.

6. Claiming leadership without merit and demanding obedience.

7. Preferring an employee to be dependent as a result of less education and work experience.

8. Preventing the employee from having a sufficient independent income.

9. Suggesting that the employee is "resting" whilst working on-call.

10. Demanding the employee be grateful they're being given accommodation in exchange for their body, energy, time, strength and youth.

11. In some regions, even preventing the employee from understanding contracts they are signing.

12. Not upholding the employer's end of contracts they sign willingly.

13. Expecting the employee to contribute financially from their reduced income.

I could go on and on with the parallels. Did you notice what dynamic it is referring to?