Help!
I genuinely cannot tell if this guy likes me romantically or if I’m reading too much into this whole situation, so I need outside opinions 😭
Basically this has been an on/off thing for around a year. We met organically through his sister (I was one of her flatmates/friends) so this was never some Tinder/random hookup situation. From the start there was obvious tension. He used to compliment me a LOT — calling me beautiful, wife material, funny, smart, lovely etc. We got on really naturally and I felt very safe/comfortable around him.
Then we went to Portugal together with people and I kissed him there. Afterwards he basically told me he wasn’t over his ex girlfriend and said he couldn’t give me what I needed. Fair enough. I backed off completely after that and genuinely stopped pursuing him.
BUT despite that, he kept intermittently coming back into my life. Messaging me here and there, tagging me in things, flirting occasionally etc. We’d see each other now and again through his sister. One time after an argument he kissed me on the cheek and said “it hurts me that I hurt you.” So emotionally it never really felt dead between us.
Fast forward to recently. He comes to visit his sister for his birthday. Barely talks to me all night, then later at like 2am tries speaking to me in the hallway. I mostly blank him. Then the NEXT time we’re around each other, he literally comes into my room at 3am and we end up having sex.
And honestly the sex was insanely intense/charged. Like VERY emotionally and physically intense. During it he said things like:
- “I missed you”
- “have you been thinking about this too?”
It did not feel emotionally detached whatsoever.
Then afterwards… silence.
He barely contacted me for a week afterwards and I started spiralling because from my perspective:
- we already had history,
- he knew I liked him before,
- he came into MY room,
- and then basically vanished.
We also had unprotected sex and he didn’t check if I needed Plan B or ask if I was okay afterwards, which honestly upset me more than the relationship aspect.
So eventually I messaged him saying I felt disrespected by how he’d left things and that even as friends I thought he would’ve handled it differently.
He replied:
> “I’m really sorry for being distant, work has been extremely exhausting this week paired with the stress from moving into my new house this is no excuse for how I have dealt with things between me and you and I value our friendship and I really hope this hasn’t impacted it, and I also was unaware you thought a plan B was necessary. Hope your doing ok!!! x”
Then I replied:
> “Thank you for replying, I appreciate it. I think the silence just really threw me off considering everything and I overthought it a bit. I’m glad we’ve cleared it up though and I hope the move and work calm down for you soon x”
And then I asked:
> “I’m okay being friends but did you want anything more from me?”
And now I’ve been left on delivered for 23 hours 😭
So I genuinely need objective opinions because my friends are divided.
Some think:
- he obviously has feelings and got overwhelmed,
- he cares about me but is emotionally immature/avoidant,
- and the “friendship” wording was him trying to preserve the connection.
Others think:
- he likes me physically but not romantically,
- the sex blurred lines,
- and he’s basically soft-launching a friendzone.
I honestly cannot tell anymore because his ACTIONS feel emotionally loaded but his communication is vague/confusing.
What does this sound like to outside people? Does this sound like a guy who genuinely likes me but is overwhelmed/immature, or someone who just got caught up in tension and doesn’t actually want more?