Disclaimer: I'm going to be brutally honest here because I genuinely need guidance and support. Please don't judge me for who I am right now. I'm trying to change, and that's why I'm writing this.
For the past 10 years, my discipline and mental strength have been falling apart slowly, and I didn't even fully realize it until recently. Right now, doing something as simple as sticking to a basic routine feels like climbing a mountain. Let me explain how I got here.
I started smoking back in 2012. Just 1 to 3 cigarettes a day, nothing crazy. By 2014, I decided to quit and I actually went cold turkey for 4 straight months. No urge. No temptation. Nothing. I was completely fine.
That should have been the end of the story. But it wasn't.
One hangout with friends, one "let me just try one," and I was back. That single cigarette reopened a door I thought I had shut for good.
Since 2015, I've tried quitting multiple times. But here's the scary pattern I noticed. Every time I try to quit, my sober streak gets shorter. First it was a month. Then two weeks. Then one week. Now? I can barely go 1 to 2 days before I cave in.
By 2020, I had scaled up to a full pack a day. 20 cigarettes. I've managed to bring it back down to 1 to 3 a day now in 2026, but I want to stop completely and I just can't seem to hold on.
The worst part? I made a promise to my parents that I quit. They think I did. But I'm still sneaking cigarettes behind their backs, and every single time I light one up, the guilt hits me like a truck. Not just the guilt of smoking but the guilt of lying to the people who trust me.
And smoking is just one piece of this mess.
I've been addicted to porn ever since I got my hands on a smartphone and unlimited internet. That's another loop I can't break out of. It drains me mentally and emotionally, and I know it's destroying me from the inside, but I keep going back to it like clockwork.
My daily life doesn't help either. Most of my friends have moved out of town. I barely meet anyone. I work from home, so I don't even interact with real people most days.
My routine for the past 4 years has looked something like this:
Wake up. Eat. Play games. Smoke. Work. Watch Netflix. Eat again. Smoke. Sleep. Repeat.
That's it. That's my life on loop.
When I look back, I can clearly see how my life has been quietly devastated by these habits. The damage didn't happen overnight. It was a slow compound effect. Year after year, every broken promise, every failed attempt, every "just one more time" chipped away at my willpower until there was almost nothing left.
Here's what I've tried recently:
- Drafted a solid daily routine plan. Failed on Day 2.
- Created a proper Monk Mode plan. Failed on Day 3.
- Decided to read a self-help book. Couldn't get past Day 2.
I have the desire. I genuinely want to become the best version of myself. But the willpower and discipline to actually follow through? It's just not there anymore. I feel like I've exhausted it over the years by breaking my own resistance again and again.
Right now, I'm stuck in this endless loop. Smoking, porn, skipping routines, breaking promises to myself, feeling guilty, telling myself "tomorrow will be different," and then doing the exact same thing all over again.
I'm not here for sympathy. I'm here because I need serious guidance and real support to rebuild my discipline from the ground up.
Has anyone here been stuck in a loop like this and actually broken out of it? Are there any communities or methods that genuinely helped you hold yourself accountable and stay consistent?
I'd really appreciate any help. Thank you for reading this far.