AVM Stroke and Paralysis
I am at a total loss of what to do and how to get through this. My wife is 46 years old and had an AVM rupture 6 months ago while she was at work. She suffered a severe brain hemorrhage and stroke which left her paralyzed on her left side. She has not been home since that day.
I lost my mind and have been waking up in panic attacks with anxiety, depression, and a sense of just being lost for the duration every day. We have a 14 year old son that I have to take care of and I am falling apart in front of him.
My wife has no one else in the world. No family, no close friends. It is all on me and I am beyond overwhelmed.
I freaked out when this happened, feeling guilt for her circumstance. We lived n a 3rd floor condo and I thought “I have to get her home” and bought another condo on the first floor of our building and moved my son and I into it.
I realized while going through the closing that it was a mistake and I was not happy with what I had done. By then it was too late.
We had been arguing and on the verge of divorce for at least the last 3 years, but probably more. I thought I could put that past and had to be her savior.
There was infidelity and heavy alcohol abuse involved in what made me want to leave her. My son has been traumatized by the actions he saw. He does not want her back in our home. It’s really sad for me to see how against his mom he’s become. I am miserable living on this first floor and every day I feel like I’m locked in a nightmare.
Part of her brain was destroyed in the hemorrhage. She is cognitively there but a bit off and experiencing left side neglect. Her left motor functions have not returned and I’m starting to feel they never will. She is getting better at utilizing her right side but still needs full care.
I realize that I can not provide for her the care she needs, and I don’t want to be that for the rest of my life. I don’t want my son to have to go through that and I am worried that if she comes home she will be stuck and go back to drinking again. I do not see a positive outcome of her coming home beyond appeasing her feelings at the moment.
I bought the condo out of guilt, used most of our savings to do it, and did it against the advice of pretty much everyone close to me. They told me not to do it out of guilt and I tried to make myself believe that wasn’t the case but it was.
Now I feel like such a heel for doing what I did and upending my son as well.
I’m lost and need to speak to people who understand because they’re going through similar situations.
The rehab center is starting to push to release her. She only wants to come home and no more centers.
She is angry at me and blames me for her not coming home because I am not pushing for it. Her attitude towards me has become very reminiscent of what it was before the accident and I fear that bringing her home and having to be her caregiver is going to make it much worse and further the trauma on our son. We cannot afford a caregiver to be home with her, but have a little too much money to get any kind of state help.
I am still lost in what to do, I feel responsible for her, but I feel that bringing her home is not a good idea not for me not for My Son and not for her in the end all. She calls me every day, crying or angry. It just breaks my heart.