TL:DR - I’m not unhappy and he’s lovely, it’s a very comfortable relationship but not exciting, I’m unsure if I’d be better off sticking it out or just ending it and being single
We’ve been together for 2 and a half ish years now, started dating the summer before I went to university (so all of my adult life) and I’m just not sure if I’m actually happy? I’m definitely not unhappy, at least not all the time, and apart from a few minor annoyances he’s not done anything wrong so I wouldn’t have an actual definitive reason to breakup.
I made a pros and cons list (which I know isn’t a great sign but that’s how I like to process things)
Pros:
- Really lovely family who are amazingly generous and supportive
- He’s fairly clever and ambitious, is doing great at uni and has lots of connections
- he’s funny, and we share similar interests
- his friends are now my friends so if we break up then I might not have a friend group to hangout with
- he’s invested a lot of time and money into our relationship and I would feel guilty and ungrateful for ending things
- Will be able to provide a good future (financial security, would be a good dad etc)
Cons:
- he’s very stubborn and often won’t try out things I want to do (go raving, watch tv shows I like with me) and he only ever wants to participate in things he likes and suggests
- I have no interest in having sex with him or kissing him, but I don’t know if that’s a him specific thing or general frigidness on my part
- every so often I have an overwhelming desire to be single which I don’t think is normal
- he was thinking about voting restore and I had to educate him on why their policies would be bad for women and the environment to which he said “oh I didn’t read their women’s policies yet because I’m not one so it wasn’t my main focus” : but he is now leaning towards Green Party (yay) after we had a serious discussion
- he possibly wants to live abroad one day and I am not willing to leave my family and friends to go be with him in a foreign country
So that’s the list, this is my first serious relationship and I don’t know if it’s normal to feel this way, our dynamic is very comfortable but not passionate which I feel it probably should be at our age, sometimes I feel like an old married couple, but he is a really lovely guy and I don’t know if it’s worth breaking up because I might risk my friendship group or end up regretting the breakup.
My main concern is fomo, what if I leave him but never find someone better, he’s the type of guy who I think would be a great husband one day and would provide a good lifestyle but that probably shouldn’t be my priority at age 20
I’m thinking of waiting a year until uni is over and seeing how I feel then in case it’s just a phase, but I need to know if I should just break up with him instead