u/BiggieSmalls9797

I have had an RO against my spouse for about four months and it is good until winter of 2026. It has been a nightmare for me since obtaining the RO. He has violated it multiple times, I’ve had to go to court for various issues multiple times and I’ve had extremely bad experiences at our district court. My spouse was picked up in January for one violation of the order and it is scheduled to go to trial. About maybe 6-8 weeks ago I applied to modify the order to allow contact via text only about specific topics as I am trying to navigate filing a joint divorce. Changing this was a mistake and my spouse immediately violated the terms of the text contact. He was charged with two more violations of the restraining order as well as witness intimidation. He was then charged with a fourth violation of the order as the police themselves filed a report based on his actions during a belongings pick up. After he picked up these violations, I went back to the court and had the order modified back to no contact at all. The judge that day was a visiting judge and a jerk. He granted the modification back but stated I would need to come on X date (this Friday) for a two party hearing about it. I was somewhat confused by that but the DA explained that legally my spouse had a right to argue if he felt he should still be allowed the text contact or not. I thought that was stupid and honestly planned to just not even go. I never heard another word about it. A few weeks ago I filed a police report about an incident with my spouse from 2024. I had a lot of proof and he was then also charged with felony suffocation. A few days ago I called the court to find out if he got a summons for this and when the date was and while I was talking to them I asked them to double check that I wasn’t supposed to be there in a few days since I never got anything in the mail. | Well it turns out that the way the visiting judge wrote the hearing up it’s a hearing to defend the ENTIRE order even though it was supposed to just be for the change of the text contact. The clerk, the witness advocate, the police have all stated they have never seen that happen, that it was clearly a fault of the judge not being clear in the way it was written but also that there’s nothing to be done. If I don’t go on Friday and speak then it’s extremely likely my restraining order will expire that day. HOWEVER this Friday is also when my spouse has an appearance for his first violation, another hearing for the subsequent four violations and he is being arraigned on the suffocation charge. He will have an attorney and his family there. I am devastated that what seems like a clerical error has now put me in the position to have to appear Friday, defend the entire order, and also listen to whatever horrible stuff my spouse or his lawyer will say about me. I have been getting support but I am not in a place to handle that mentally. I am also afraid to not have the order especially with the new serious charge he faces. I feel like I’m in a lose lose situation. I am truly debating not going because at least then I don’t have to freak out all week about the outcome and I’ll spare myself standing in a court room listening to his abuse in front of his family, his lawyer and a whole court room of people. I know it’s also very bad to not have the order in place but I simply cannot imagine going Friday. They also set the contempt hearing about the non payment that day too so I’ll lose the opportunity to be heard on that. I just cannot fathom being expected to appear on the same day he’s being arraigned on a felony suffocation charge and be there at the same time and then have to defend the order. I know this is extremely long and confusing and rambling I just feel completely lost and scared and sad and I truly don’t think I can handle seeing him in court and listening to him. I guess this is just a vent but also seeking guidance or any words of encouragement.