What made you WANT to physically bear, birth, and raise a kid besides having the kid itself?
Someone pease explain to me, who originally didn’t want kids, why did you choose to do this to your body, mind, mental state, hormones, and soul?
The list is endless as to why someone could choose to not endure this, yet women still choose to. Please don’t tell me it’s a “biological drive” or I felt in my soul I was always meant to be a mother.
I have so many questions and I cannot mentally wrap my mind around the fact that someday I’ll be “brainwashed” through my own hormones to WANT a child. I hate children. They’re annoying. They smell. They do dumb shit. I don’t have the patience or tolerance for them. Their spontaneous actions and remarks are beyond unnecessary.
Regardless of this though I am capable of great and unconditional love but having my own kid does not guarantee this same love for it which is a terrifying commitment. Forced to raise something you don’t love and in return loath it for the damage that it caused to your life/body. I wouldn’t wish that life upon anyone…
So please, make it make sense. Maybe this is me TRYING to want to have kids and seeing the sense in it but then reality kicks in and I could almost puke at the thought of being pregnant and birthing a child.
Also, reading about OB and delivery in my book enrages me. So maybe I have a mental condition or some sort of childhood trauma correlating to these feelings?