u/BigPlunk

Adult children of divorce & one parent with BPD - how are things with the other parent?

My ex and I are 13 years into a high-conflict separation with no divorce to show for it. We're heading back to court soon and she's ramping up parental alienation again because I've stood firm on the serious issues that happened last year that put my sons at risk and her lack of accountability for them.

Our children that have moved out on their own have been turned against me (alienation is well-documented). My ex pwBPD blames me for everything wrong in her life and shit-talks me in private with my kids. She uses them to wage emotional war against me when she isn't getting her way. It's heartbreaking to see them dragged into a loyalty conflict and I know it is hurting them to turn on me. They're turning on part of themselves.

I also worry that some of my young adult kids may be heading down the path of BPD. I've had to accept that some/all of them may choose to cut me out of their lives and view me in the way their mom portrays me. Heartbreaking as it is, I now know (took almost 5 decades) that I deserve joy and peace in my life and that healthy relationships are the only path to those things.

I watched a Netflix special about a family with a daughter involved in a TikTok cult. She was totally brainwashed and turned against her family to the point of being ice cold and completely loveless toward them. I watched as the parents desperately tried again and again to win back her heart and mind to no avail. Rinse and repeat. That was the "a-ha" moment that helped me realize I can't force a relationship to happen with my grown kids if they've been poisoned against me. I could spend the rest of my life in misery chasing after them only to be rejected, sacrificing the joy that could otherwise be pursued.

I know I've made mistakes, plenty of them. I know I've hurt my kids through my words and actions more than once. But not to the point of abuse. Just human mistakes. I've worked really hard at growing, taking accountability with humility, and doing a bit better each day. I also know that I've given my best efforts in trying to be a good parent and do right by my kids.

I'm curious if those of you that grew up in households with one parent having BPD and where there was also a high-conflict divorce/separation, how did that turn out for you?

When did you figure out who the mentally unhealthy parent was?

For those estranged from a parent due to alienation, how long did that last for?

Any of you with a BPD parent also diagnosed with BPD?

My approach is to offer unconditional love for my children, leaving the door open for them to reach out, but also setting firm boundaries about treating me with the same dignity and respect we all deserve. Do you have any other advice that could help navigate this situation?

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u/BigPlunk — 16 hours ago
▲ 30 r/CanadaFinance+1 crossposts

Fixing What's Broken in Canada - Community Call to Action Part 2

If you haven't, I encourage you to read the first post here.

Each time a related post is submitted, I'll provide a link to the previous for continuity. The primary goal with the first post was to start a conversation, listen, and observe overall engagement.

Success is 100% a team sport and meaningful change can only happen if we come together peacefully to demand them. We have to put personal politics aside, step out of echo chambers, and unite around the issues impacting us all. We won't change anything through complaining, venting, blaming, grievances, apathy, or complacency.

Action inspires hope, momentum, and change. Is there anyone out there who doesn't need those things right now?

The most upvoted comment in the first thread was a suggestion for country-wide protests and writing MPs (credit to u/InformationSuperb978). Peaceful protests are a signal of a healthy democracy. They can be peaceful AND disruptive, but protests need to be disruptive in the right ways. We've all seen what happens when protests piss off the general population by blocking roadways and preventing people from taking care of themselves and their families. Peaceful protests also need to be sustained to be effective and not just a Saturday special every few months. (NOTE: peaceful protests and actions are the only acceptable form in r/CanadaJobs - violence of any kind will not be tolerated).

Writing MPs can be done in isolation at the individual level with some impact. But the power of a large group like r/CanadaJobs or r/VancouverJobs coming together with a clear set of objectives and demands is so much more potent.

There is a newly formed majority government in Canada with the power to enact meaningful changes. The Overton Window around the world is intensely focused on skyrocketing inflation/cost of living, greed, corruption, wealth inequality, and the double-standard for the ultra wealthy. Now is the perfect time for collective action to bring about the changes we all need right now.

I am 100% supportive of the peaceful actions democratically decided by this Canadian job seeker advocacy community. Moving forward requires teamwork, organization, and focus, so let's do those things.

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From the top comment on the first thread, the overarching community goals are:

  1. Organize peaceful, sustained, attention-grabbing protests in communities and cities across the country (democratic, decentralized, apolitical);
  2. A coordinated MP letter-writing campaign and media appearances (in parallel);
  3. Both strategies above are to drive systemic changes that prioritize the needs of Canadian workers and working class families.

Speak up if you disagree with these goals, but propose alternatives if you do so we can have a productive debate and discussion. This is about taking decisive, meaningful action as a community. Save the pessimism and cynicism for another sub.

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Next Steps

1. Build a Core Team (speak up below and we can connect 1:1 from there)

-Priority one is finding emotionally mature leaders with growth and solutions mindsets, who want to serve others with humility, accountability, and kindness and inspire meaningful changes (there's no specific requirements for this - just need to have the right mindset);

-Regular people like each of you who believe the status quo needs to change and action is the way to create it; people who are willing to learn, grow, research, organize, document, create content, work autonomously, reach out to others, inspire, and rally support; those who will commit your time, skills, and experience (everyone here has skills and the ability to help), and be willing to take bold, courageous action;

-Experienced activists that understand how to build successful movements that drive meaningful systemic changes;

-Smart people that understand socioeconomics and policy-making;

-Marketing & PR-trained people who can help refine messaging, spread the word across platforms and domains, and navigate the media;

-Web, cloud, data, and other technologists that can build and support infrastructure (We have to de-risk the use of operating on a single platform and need the ability to continue organizing regardless of who has their eyes on us or where we get blocked - each one of these posts is likely getting some attention);

Seeing people step forward to commit will inspire me to take more action down this path. The opposite is true if there is a lack of engagement/participation. This is a reciprocal situation where we all put into this what we want out of it (100/100, not 50/50).

2. Decide and Document the Challenges to Address as a Community (Democratically);

3. Document the Reforms We Want to Address the Challenges Identified;

4. Set a Goal Start Date for the Protests and Letter Writing Campaigns

5. Begin Outreach, Gather Support, Build Momentum (start in parallel to the above).

6. Plan, Strategize, Organize, Mobilize, and Implement.

If I've missed a critical step or you think there's a better way of achieving the goals above to have sustained peaceful protests and coordinated letter-writing campaigns to drive meaningful changes, speak up. But again, make sure you propose alternatives so discussions are productive and moving towards our shared goals. Putting up blockers without offering alternatives will be ignored.

Divisive, xenophobic, unkind, or inflammatory rhetoric will not be tolerated.

Given the number of Canadians in this community talking daily about the problems in Canada, struggling with extended unemployment, and applying to hundreds of jobs without anything to show for it, we should have no trouble finding people willing to do something about it.

If you want to see something change, then step forward and volunteer, bringing whatever skills and experience you have. I don't have all the answers or solutions and can't move forward on this without your help. This is about us all being part of the solution together.

Are you ready to commit and take bold, meaningful, peaceful action towards fixing what's broken in Canada?

NOTE: If you're mod of another Canadian community and want to collaborate, speak up and let's connect.

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EDIT: If for some reason, this community or my account go silent, you can reach me at canadianjobscommunity@gmail.com and I assure you that would only inspire me to further action. I am in good health and have no thoughts or ideation around self-harm.

u/BigPlunk — 1 day ago