First post here after 16 months of posting on r/asoneafterinfidelity. I never liked this sub because it seemed too brutal.
We've spent since February last year trying to talk things through. Not in a relationship, but still talking every day for hours and still very central to each others lives.
What ive realised is she was too scared to act after the damage she caused. I was too empathetic and convinced that if I could understand it all, we could fix it. I used that to justify all of the gaslighting, lying, and terrible things she did. Understanding felt like progress but it doesnt really mean anything unless there is change in actions.
I blocked her a few days ago after she pulled away again. The anger has finally hit. Somehow it took 16 months. She cheated on me and moved in with her physically abusive methhead ex. What kind of explanation was i looking for that could ever justify that? I look back at how many times I asked what she needed, but I cant think of a time when she asked me what I needed.
Im finally realising things about myself. Ive picked up some huge insecurities that I never had before. Ive sabotaged almost everything in my life trying to fix this. Ive been a door mat.
Im going to get back into therapy. Ive re-enrolled in law school.