Im not sure what I look like
Hi, I don’t know if this would be classified as body dysphoria, for some background, as a kid I was always really fat, then randomly around 16 I just lost a lot of weight due to an awful sleeping schedule and never eating, I’ve gained a bit of healthy relationship weight since then obviously, but even when I was so insanely skinny I thought I was fat, and now I can’t even bare to look at my own pictures from then, like I’m envious of myself but mostly how badly I treated myself when I was basically perfect (to me that’s very much subjective) but I’ve always been pretty petite and small framed. I am OBSESSED with how I am perceived by other people, I hate it so much, I would love to look at myself from the 3rd person and analyse how I look to people, no one will give me an unbiased opinion in my life and even if they do it’s not very constructive, I wish I could just show some random people what I looked like and get a completely unbiased opinion, just to ease my mind a little, mostly to confirm if what I think is wrong is correct, I’ll walk past the mirror, think my waist looks really skinny from the side, come back a few seconds later maybe with a snack and now I literally look SO SO wide!!! I know I’ll never be satisfied but I would love some advice from anyone that has similar views.
I do know how this can come across as really self absorbed, and I know it’s awful to focus so much on what people think of me, but not being really popular in school gave me a really strong need to be liked and perceived in a good light even by strangers.
I would just post pictures here and gather a few unbiased opinions but that seems so wildly inappropriate and insensitive for this subreddit.
Sorry if this is a batshit crazy thing to think, I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this :)