​
We were together for 10 years. We broke up 8 months ago, and she immediately monkey-branched to a new guy who she’s been with for 8 months. She has a highly avoidant personality
Tragically, her Mum just passed away. I loved her Mum and her brother like my own family. My ex didn't invite me directly she had her brother send me the details.
The catch: she brought the new guy to the funeral today.
Her brother asked me about 10 times to come saying the family had my back and the mum asked me to go on her death bed. They even told my ex she wasn't allowed to speak to me, and the brothers were fully prepared to run interference and protect me to make sure the new guy didn't cross any lines.
They wanted me there. It tore me apart and triggered a massive panic attack, but I chose not to go.
Instead, I stayed at work and sent a polite, heartfelt text to her brother to pay my respects to him and his Mum. Also I visited her mum privately and gave her the favourite flower she wanted when she passed My reasoning for staying away:
I couldn't stomach the humiliation of standing in the back of the room watching her hold her new boyfriend's hand.
I didn't want the brothers to have to play bodyguard for me on the day they are burying their Mum.
I felt like showing up would just prove I'm a doormat who will endure any level of disrespect just to stay in her orbit.
My head is screaming at me that I abandoned her in her darkest hour and disrespected her family, even though I know she chose to replace me. My guilt is through the roof.
Did I do the right thing by staying away, holding my boundary, and just texting the brother and visiting her mum privately. How would you view this from the outside?
**TL;DR:** Together 10 years, broken up 8 months. Ex brought her 8-month rebound to her Mum's funeral. Her brothers wanted me to come and promised to protect me from the new guy. I stayed away to protect my dignity and sent condolences via text and a private visit to the chapel instead. Feeling immense guilt. Was staying away the right move?