u/Big-_-Bean

Hello anyone, I’m a 21m college student and had some thoughts on my mind.
I’ve always felt like I’ve never fit in or like anyone truly understands me, ever since I was little. I come from an immigrant family and I myself was also born outside of the US. I came here at 4 months old and grew up here my whole life. I feel like this is the start of where I these feelings come from because not only have I felt like I don’t fit here but also in my native country of Mexico. I’m told I’m Mexican and don’t belong here but in Mexico I’m told I don’t belong because I grew up in the US. I’ve tried so hard to fit in both like the way I talk, the way I act, the way I dress but inside I still feel like it’s not me, like I quite don’t fit in. When I go to Mexico I see the culture and the way they act in a day to day and I can relate because that’s not how I grew up. My extended family is big into charreria(cowboying) but I am not because not only does it not attract me but I just simply didn’t grow up around it.
I also feel like my family doesn’t understand me either or like they know the true me. I feel this way because I’m truly on such a unique path relative to anyone around me. My parents are hard working immigrants who’ve never got to chase their dreams like I’ve had. I’ve gotten the privilege to be able to go to college and chase my dreams of being an airline pilot,( recently got my CFI) but I feel like whenever it comes to talking about the struggle that comes with being so passionate and so devoted to a dream they don’t understand. I try to convey how stressed I am and how I constantly live with the fear of failure, how I don’t want to disappoint them and how I feel so alone. I told my mom about this and she just flipped the script on me and said I only care about myself and that I don’t worry about her problems. I’ve spoken to my dad about it multiple times and it always boils down to I don’t know what to say just keep your head up. I also feel like they don’t know the real me, the stuff I like, the music I’m into because it would be so outta character of me to like the things I like or listen to the music I listen to. I know what they like but I know if I asked them they wouldn’t know. I also feel like my extended family doesn’t see my for who I am but this label that has been put on me of “pilot”. The first thing they ask me when they see me is “oh how is school going, how is it flying, are you at the airlines yet, how close are you, are you going to take me flying? Thanks for asking I’m doing great, I’ve been feeling good recently no I’m not hungry I ate already. They see me for the label more than for who I really am.
Now also in college I feel like I don’t fit in, the one place where you’d think I’d fit in. Most people that come to this school come from such different backgrounds and walks of life that it’s hard to relate. I personally feel like it’s hard to relate because not only am I one of the only Latinos, one of the only Mexicans and one of the only immigrants, but most of these people don’t share the same passion I do for following their dreams. .