Impractical view of love and expectation
I see a lot of posts lamenting the fact that the dream woman/man is simply not showing and that's turning into a crisis of faith in God. Because after all God knows us, God is benevolent, so why is God not doing his part and provide us… not just a spouse, but the spouse - our soulmate, our right jigsaw piece, our Mr. Darcy. After all, why on earth would God want us to settle for less than we deserve or feel entitled too.
The other day I saw the BBC´s tv adaptation of “Pride and Prejudice”. I'm not a big fan of romance, but for some reason the slow pace and the different language made it worthwhile - well if honest, I was quite entertained indeed.
The main character Elisabeth Bennet has a friend Miss. Lucas, who comes to terms with her outlook in life, her being 27 years old and on a fast track to spinsterhood. Because of that she agrees to marry the somewhat nitwit Mr. Collins. No romance, no greater admission of love, no fireworks in tummy, but it secures her a position in society, gives her security and provides her with an earthly calling/mission. This is the exact opposite (in terms of romance) to the case of the protagonist Elisabeth Bennet, who receives the affection and love from hunkiest of hunks Mr. Darcy, who coincidentally also is a billionaire. Darcy came to earn the respect and love of Elisabeth, and in the last scene they get married.
My late grandmother once gave me advice, since I was still single. She gave me this nugget “If you can't get who you love, you should love who you can get.” - Well she got who she loved, so it was easy for her to say.
But her point still stands. It wasn't the man/woman who was the objective, it was the marriage you built together, it was the entrance to society and adulthood - It was fulfilling your duties to society, civilization and God through Gen 1.28.
We ask a lot of these institutions (church, society) and even God to provide something for us and find it unjust if it does not arrive. We ask from the potential spouse, what do I get from you. What do you bring to the table? How much joy can you provide me?
We even with a straight face blame God if our life turns into loneliness and even bitterness, because we feel entitled and deserving of so much. All this while God never once promised us marriage, health, material abundance or anything our hearts desire.
I think pedestalization of romantic love as a feeling, can fill us with ungratefulness and we expect too much of it.
The kicker is: Many know this so why is it difficult to change?