I feel like I raised my son to hate me
I am 42 years old and I moved to Vancouver from Soltaniyeh with my husband when we were both 18 and I was pregnant with our son. It took me a long time to realize that I am a lesbian and even longer to come out to myself and try to find my own happiness like that. Before I could accept that part of myself I'd devoted myself to my religion and I loved that and it might sound strange but I still do.
Except I pushed my son to have that faith as well and he believes and it's strange because I'm so proud that he believes in God but I also hate myself for it because what if he hates me. He's never said anything against people like me but maybe it's because he doesn't know that I'm a lesbian and that I have a girlfriend and he just thinks she's my best friend. But it's like I just have a feeling that if he were to know he would hate me. I did ask his fiancee when we saw something about it on the news one time and she firmly believes in trans rights but was almost negative when it came to gay rights.
My girlfriend has told me that she wants us to be an open thing and I want it to. I really do. I've told her that I love her more than anything but I don't want to risk my son hating me. That would destroy me and I don't think I could be me without him and his love.
I just needed to type all of this up. Thank you.