I’ll try to keep this concise but there’s a lot of context. I’m 29F, my husband is 30M. We just found out I’m pregnant about 5 weeks along. This was a complete shock because doctors have told us for years that getting pregnant naturally wasn’t likely for us. So here we are.
The timing is, objectively, chaotic. We are moving to a new city this Friday. I start a new job on Monday. My husband was just accepted into a Doctor of Physical Therapy program starting this fall. We have worked incredibly hard to get to this point. Our careers are solid, we’ve built real stability, and we were finally on the cusp of it all clicking into place.
My husband feels strongly that this is the wrong time and wants to terminate. Logically, I understand his reasoning completely and I can’t argue with the facts on paper. But something in me wants to keep this baby, and I’m struggling to understand whether that’s genuine knowing or just biology doing what biology does. I know we can always try again later but part of me wonders if this is our one shot.
I’m not looking for anyone to make this decision for us I know that’s ours alone. I’m also not looking for a debate about the politics of this. What I am hoping for is perspective from people who have lived more life than I have.
Have any of you been in a situation where the timing was genuinely terrible and you moved forward anyway and it worked out? Or alternatively, did you make a hard call at the wrong time and find peace with it? What do you wish you’d known? What would you tell your younger self?
Any wisdom, stories, or honest perspective is welcome. Please be kind —this is already one of the most overwhelming and devastating experiences I’ve had.
Edit: Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies and for sharing your perspective and stories. A few things have come out of this, we never wanted children before because we never thought we could have them now we are forced to really think about that which in a way is a silver lining. My husband and I have only been married for 6 months but have been together for 13 years and it was quite jarring for us both seeing a future we have never imagined especially since it’s been just us for such a long time.
I’ve been wavering strongly between the options and am still very torn and because of that we’ve decided to give it until 8 weeks to make a decision- can of course move that up if I want to. In addition to that I did tell my husband that if we do decide to move forward with termination I will not do that again it would be our one get out of jail free card if you will. We have an established couples therapist and have been working hard at deconstruction some deep parental ideologies, we have an appointment tomorrow with our therapist tomorrow to discuss thing and have an appointment with my OB to discuss what the options would be for the future and the risks.