Please don’t comment unless you’ve read the entire post. I’m sure this is above reddit’s paygrade but I need some advice first and to rant to someone about this!! Thank you.
I really don’t want to divorce my husband but unfortunately I’m having a hard time getting over this..
We are both 30 and have been together for 4 years and just celebrated our second marital anniversary.
I needed to find a pirating website I searched on my husbands laptop (I don’t have one) a few months back and found a lot of searches for gay porn, bi MMF threesome porn, and transgender female porn.
I also found a search for trans escorts in our area which alarmed me and made me confront him. Honestly, if it was just the porn I think I’d bring it up in a more gentle way, but I was really upset. I know he didn’t spend any of our money on anything.
I control the finances and we have one bank account which his paycheck is directly deposited into. my husband is also a very moral person and I could never imagine him cheating on me and not telling me. He feels guilt so easy and also has been cheated on. The website he was going on to look at the trans escorts has a lot of video content most of them are pornstars.
He says he was looking at this and getting off at the idea of them being physically close to him but says it was just horny fantasy.
I did find a lot of normal straight porn on there as well and some weird stuff he searched like “GILF” (grandma smh) and “AI porn” and “young old” porn. He says these are all fantasies he wouldn’t want to act out in real life.
He says he thinks he might be bisexual but only in his porn tastes and wouldn’t be interested in exploring this in real life ever. He literally said “sometimes I just want to look at a dick”
Our sex life is pretty satisfying and frequent enough for two people with demanding jobs with long hours (1-3x weekly)
This all happened about a month ago and I’ve since banned porn in our relationship because I don’t like what it led to him searching. Now when we have sex, he has been lasting 30 seconds. I told him masturbating is fine and healthy just no porn. I said erotica is okay. I don’t know what to do. I’m so lost.