I know intellectually that it was SA and my therapist has told me that it was and if a friend told me what happened to me happened to them I would be horrified. But somehow it feels like I’m overreacting to a situation that happens to everyone. Also I feel not fully saying what happened was CSA because I only for sure know it happened from when I was 18-19 years old. (There had been some instances before but not as bad) (I think). I also feel like it’s not really SA because it was mostly groping and walking in on me changing(and not leaving). Or it wasn’t that bad.
My dad would beg for me to hug him even though after a while I really didn’t want to. And he would grope my butt. This happened almost everyday. Maybe it did happen before because in the beginning I only felt slightly uncomfortable. But the longer it went on I started to feel more and more uncomfortable and I started to tell him to stop as soon as he started groping me.
…
I took a break after writing that because even though I’ve written in my journal and told other people I realized I am definitely CSA survivor since I remember when I was in elementary school (around 4th or 5th grade) a friend (call her A)coming up to me and another friend(call her B) and asking us if it’s normal for your dad to grope your butt and smack your butt. We both said it was normal…
Making me conclude that this was a thing my dad did when I was 10…
can’t believe I figured this out while writing a Reddit post…
(And also a boy in freshman year of high school continually groped me in class) (Is that technically COCSA?) idk
Writing somehow makes me feel more and less validated in my experiences at the same time
I have this strong feeling that getting your butt groped is a thing every person goes through growing up
…
Anyways back to the story from when I was 18.
My dad did not stop groping me and I started to notice that my dad would walk into my room without knocking very often. And this would happen almost every time while I was changing clothes. I would yell at him to leave but he would just stare at me naked or half dressed for like 10 seconds then leave.
I feel like so many others had it worse and I feel like I don’t know how others recover from much worse things. I feel like I’m minimizing others experiences by calling this SA from my dad and there’s a part of me that deeply feels that what happened is normal.
Any advise comments I would love to hear even though it stopped I am very early in my recovery and healing since I’m 21 and I have to deal with my parents still since I’m in college and plan to go to law school. Which makes me very financially dependent on them. My mom has kind of accepted what happened but has never felt any responsibility for not doing more than to tell my dad to stop. Even though I told her twice. I don’t know what else she could’ve done and I feel bad for her position but feel like she could’ve done more. I would do more to protect my child. I just can’t believe she’s still with him.
For this and other reasons I’m really upset at both of my parents and kind of makes me feel like an ungrateful brat
Hope some of this was coherent
I would love any advice or comments