Okay for context, I’m 21F and my bf is 24M. We’ve been together for 2 1/2 years and have lived together most of our relationship (I moved in with him).
So I have an issue with his bad personal hygiene. When we first got together, I learned that he never brushed his teeth and I had to constantly nag him about it which he hates, but if I don’t say it, he won’t do it. But he also “won’t do it” if I tell him to, so he says. But he still does it after I’m already pissed off about it cuz he told me “no” the first time. Same thing with telling him to wash his hands and taking a shower.
The other day, we cleaned the apartment a little bit, and when we were relaxing on the bed, he put his hand on my thigh and I looked at it and saw how dirty it was. I realized that I never noticed him washing his hands at all that day so I asked him “when was the last time you washed your hands?” He said “this morning” it was already evening by that time so hearing him say that, just disgusted tf out of me. And I didn’t hide it either. I was CLEARLY disgusted at him for saying that. And even then, he still didn’t wash his hands. He definitely waited for me to ask him to, which I didn’t, so he didn’t wash his hands. Why do I have to ask/tell a grown ass man to wash his damn hands??
Another issue I have with him is that he doesn’t care about his health whatsoever and unfortunately it has turned into him not caring about mine either.
Recently, he was working on one of his cars and accidentally swung a hammer at one of his hands and ever since then, he has been complaining about how bad it hurts and that he thinks it’s broken. I’ve told him multiple times that he needs to see a doctor but he refuses, so now whenever he brings it up, I don’t care to hear it.
But I, myself have had quite a few doctor appts recently because of physical health issues. I had an appt yesterday for a lot of issues I’ve been having for the past week and I asked him to come with me. My appt was 40 minutes away. He works nights so he sleeps 4 hours in the morning when he comes home, wakes up at noon, and goes back to sleep in the evening for another 4 hours. Well, my appt was set for 3:00 and he had to be asleep by 5 so he didn’t want to go and lose any sleep. I got upset but didn’t let it get to me just yet, cuz I figured I could convince him. At one point, I said “I would do it for you” and he said “no you wouldn’t” which kinda hurt because YES TF I WOULD and he knows that but it also just felt like he said that just so he can make me feel guilty and he wouldn’t have to go with me. So once he made up his mind not to come, I got upset about it.
Let me tell you why.
As my boyfriend, I feel like he should be there to support me, especially in times like this, where for the past few months, I’ve been hurting so much mentally and physically, to the point where I’m genuinely suicidal. And when I really need him, he can’t just let go of a few hours to support me and make me happy?
It made me spiral so much, I started thinking “is this how it’s gonna be when I’m pregnant with his child and have to have multiple doctors appointments but he can’t be there because he’ll lose some sleep?”
I would say I wouldn’t be as upset if I was going to the doctor for something small, but you don’t really go to the doctor for small things, unless it’s like a simple check up. So for him to say he didn’t want to go because of sleep, really hurt me. Especially because I know he wouldn’t mind losing sleep if he had something important to do or something he wanted to do instead of sleep. But when it comes to my health, I need him on board with me with no hesitation. I shouldn’t have to beg my boyfriend to visit the doctor with me for support. I would do it for him in a heartbeat. I always try to take care of him and help when he’s hurt or when his hygiene is bad but he doesn’t care to care for me in that way.
He ended up coming with me, but after the fact I was already clearly upset about him not wanting to go. I was in a bad mood the whole way there and cried silently in the car multiple times. And of course, he couldn’t see what the issue was and had to ask “what’s wrong” and I wasn’t gonna tell him either cuz he’s a grown ass man who should know better than to choose an hour or two of sleep over his girlfriend’s health.
This isn’t the first time he’s dismissed my health either. Every time we have sex, I always ask if he washed his hands beforehand and it’s almost always a no and when I ask him to do it, he acts like it’s the end of the world, which pisses me off because in my eyes, that’s him saying that he doesn’t give a fuck about my health or if I get a UTI, which btw, I have gotten COUNTLESS times after having sex with him. It’s one thing to not care about your own health, but to not care about mine, makes me not even want to be with him anymore. I don’t want to be miserable x2 when I become pregnant and have to deal with the baby inside me AND his lack of personal responsibility/hygiene. What do I do or say to make him understand that if he continues to not care, then I’m leaving for good?