“Just friends”
I outed my wife in couples therapy when I discovered she had be lying to me about a colleague she’s been working directly with since January. She says that this relationship is no different from that of her other relationships with colleagues. In therapy she said “I know the relationship looks bad, but I also knew you would react negatively towards it.” That was her reasoning for lying.
She does not believe this is an affair. She doesn’t believe that he is courting her.
Nothing romantic happened, and that I believe, but this is a slippery slope that needs to stop. However, she wont. She persists that ending the relationship crosses one of her boundaries, autonomy and to control her own relationships.
I need help looking at the texts and tell me I’m not crazy. They aren’t in chronological order.
For further context, they frequently go on private walks after meeting for breakfast, go out to dinner, spent a day touring a city, when ice skating together, and he’s bought her gifts (books). They also frequently pick each other up from the airports, and he will often drive her back to her hotel.
Here are the texts:
Her: Hey, i wanted to say; Thanks for this morning. You were very gentle, and that felt really nice. (Context, he was consoling her after a friend/colleague just got fired)
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Him: I miss my Skater….
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Him: Soon back! Can we have a morning call tomorrow at 8:15 or 09:15? Missing you
Her: Ahhh you miss me don’t you 😎 Don’t worry, I miss you too.
Him: Why wouldn’t I….
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Her: It’s great to have you on this quest with me. I feel it’s a larger quest than just a “project” and I love it. Let me know where to send the bill for the business advice 😘 😉
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Her: Sorry about the ex comment 🫠
Him: Our roof is much higher than that!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Her: Your books got introduced to all my book boyfriends. They are in VERY good company.
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Him: You are a super good person with a big heart! You give good advice! You are a good listener.
Her: I know I don’t have to say it but still; I’m sorry for how that went and that I ghosted you in the metro. I was soooo looking forward to a great evening. Now I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Thanks for your kind words, it helps.
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Him: Thank you for giving me ideas on me being kinder to myself.
Her: I deeply enjoy our time. Loved meeting Carl! I love that we have a dynamic where we meet each other where we are, and figure it out from there. It’s special. I will sit with this for a bit. I think I see you more positive than you see yourself. There is something to unlock. 🤩
Him: You have my permission to unlock 🔓
Her: Always good to have consent 😎
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Her: I’m home!
Him: And she is great!
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Her: Touchdown! I’ve landed
Him: It’s nice to be the one to get that message. Glad you’re home.