WIBTAH for telling my stepdad he is racist?
Hi, sorry for any poor grammar.
My stepdad is white passing, he has blue eyes and used to have fair hair. He says his father was mixed (black/white) and his mom was white so about a quarter at most? He did a 23 and me which came back with maybe 2 to 3% african heritage, the rest being white british. So I'm not entirely convinced that the dad who raised him is his dad but he doesn't question this and I'm not going to.
He uses the N slur even though he knows I'm not okay with it, I'm white and so is the rest of our family. He uses it to address us and other people and its embarassing in public when he gets in a fit. He insists hes black, not mixed, he knows hes mixed because he told me but when you ask him he says hes black. Apparently he says this because he grew up with black friends. His sister and children all say they are white and don't act this way.
The thing is when I told him how weird it is that he uses the N word for everything he started saying I'm denying his heritage and how would I like it if he misgendered me because I'm trans. I told him it wasn't the same thing and that it's gonna get him in trouble one day if he says it to someone who gets angry with him.
The problem doesn't end there however. He makes comments about Indian and Pakistani people (using slurs) and openly hates immigrants. But he is dating my mom, who is white, but moved to the UK from another European country for a better life. She doesn't have citizenship and claims benefits due to mental health complications following 18 years of domestic abuse, which according to him usually means the person should be kicked out to "their own country".
I feel that he only accepts her because she is white and he is attracted to her. If she was Indian he wouldn't feel the same way, in my opinion. But telling him this makes him angry and he doesn't see anything wrong with the double standard.
He is also racist towards south east asian people, in my opinion. He gets angry when he sees signs in a foreign language because he thinks that because we are in the UK everything should be in English. He often says random chinese sounding words to mock them and constantly says happy new year in cantonese to any asian looking person he finds.
One time he did it to a server and I called him out on it, the server agreed with me and said that they couldnt understand him because they were Thai. He still didn't appologise and said that he makes friends this way a lot. I told him that I think people are too afraid to tell him off because hes a white man and he might go nuts if a POC called him out. Not that he would but these people don't know him as he does this randomly in public. I'm surprised at the amount of people who tolerate him honestly.
The last time I called him out he cried and left the house. My mom hates it too but shes been through so much in her last relationship that she doesn't call him out anymore. She also doesn't have English as a first language and she doesn't understand the P slur, C slur and N slur.
She doesn't really understand and thinks some of them are short for words, such as the P slur rather than saying Pakistani. She doesn't say them anymore since I told her but I still think she doesn't know how hurtful these words are to random people in public and how scary it can be if they are with their children for example, and this white passing man is joking loudly with slurs.
But according to him hes allowed because he is ¼ black. I want to start the arguement again but WIBTAH if I tell him hes not black and he needs to stop being like this?