Positivity, warmth and tenderness towards me is just gut wrenching. I have massive panic attacks whenever someone’s nice to me.
All I knew growing up was pain and abuse. House was not a safe space and had 0 love, only abuse. Had no autonomy, it felt like I was in prison being raised in a suffocating 5 inch box. Not a loving home.
I genuinely don’t understand how people can be kind and nurturing. Whenever I have a pleasant conversation I go home and lash out on myself saying horrible things about myself. I start cursing and calling myself stupid, etc.
I can’t handle any sort of affection. I only feel safe with myself
u/Big-Aardvark-412 — 6 days ago