Two weeks into an avoidant breakup after moving my entire life for someone, and honestly if HBO picked up my relationship story, viewers would complain the plot was “too unrealistic.”
This wasn’t our first breakup. Or our second. At this point we’ve broken up so many times I should qualify for airline miles.
Same cycle every time: she pulls away, shuts down, goes emotionally missing, I try to communicate like a functioning adult, get nothing back, become anxious, then eventually I explode because apparently human beings aren’t actually built to survive on breadcrumbs and mixed signals.
And before anyone asks—yes, I said hurtful things too. Especially last time.
I’m not innocent.
But context matters.
When you spend over a year feeling discarded, shut out, stonewalled, and made to feel like basic emotional needs are somehow “too much”… eventually your nervous system clocks out and your inner peace files for unemployment.
So yes, I said things I regret.
She said harsh things too.
But I wasn’t waking up every day thinking, “How can I ruin this relationship?” I was reacting to being emotionally pushed to the edge for a long time.
And somehow… after all of that… I STILL moved my entire life for her.
New city. New environment. No support system. No safety net. Just vibes, trauma bonding, and hope.
For context: I have agoraphobia.
After FIVE YEARS, I was finally getting better. Like actual progress. Leaving the house more. Less panic. Feeling like I might actually have my life back.
I just started a new job at a law firm—my biggest professional milestone in years after fighting anxiety and isolation every single day.
And the person who claimed to love me?
No “How’s your first week?”
No “I’m proud of you.”
No “I know how huge this is for you.”
Nothing.
Meanwhile while 2 weeks in to no contact my dad came in town to visit and was hospitalized after suffering multiple mini strokes.
And from his hospital bed—while doctors are literally running tests on his brain—HE is texting people because he’s worried about me.
He reached out once asking her to check on me.
She asked his room number and if he could have visitors. He responded promptly then….Ignored. She never showed up.
He reached out again. Asked her to check on me mentally because I’m in her state alone and I’m struggling to handle everything emotionally.
Ignored again.
So let me get this straight:
My father recovering from mini strokes showed more emotional availability than the woman I moved my life for.
And yes—she was unblocked this whole time.
She had every opportunity to reach out.
She never did.
So I blocked her again.
Because at some point “being understanding” starts looking suspiciously like self-abandonment with Wi-Fi.
Now I’m two weeks into this breakup, panic attacks are back, my agoraphobia is flaring, my nervous system is fried, I’m trying to hold it together a few days in at a brand new law firm in a senior role having to navigate calling out and working from home ( back and forth to hospital… i commute one hour to work from my home base) , and somehow I’m still the one people expect to “be patient.”
Avoidant breakups are wild.
Sometimes you don’t just lose the relationship.
Sometimes your nervous system files a restraining order too. I will never forgive my ex. I plan on returning physically to the office tomorrow. Watching out for my dad as he was discharged last night after almost 4 days in stroke unit.