As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I want to share something that has been really weighing on me over the past year. For some people it might not seem like a big deal, but for me it truly is. It causes me a lot of distress, to the point that I’ve even lied to people around me about it. I kindly ask you to be understanding and maybe give me some advice, or at least not make me feel alone in this.
For the past year, I’ve been trying to pass my practical driving test . I’ve failed twice and had to renew my learner’s permit. I only have two attempts left before March next year. So far, I’ve spent around €2,800.
The problem is that I feel like I take one step forward and three steps back. Some days I drive really well, and other days I feel like a complete beginner. Before each driving session, I feel overwhelming anxiety that I can’t even describe.
After failing multiple times, I decided not to take the exam again “blindly.” Now I practice at least 30 minutes a week with an instructor and drive two more days with my father. Unfortunately, I can’t do more than that. But after a whole year of driving, I feel like I shouldn’t still be making certain mistakes…
Today, during a lesson, I didn’t notice two pedestrians, I almost hit the curb, and I hesitated when changing lanes. Can you imagine? It felt like it was my very first time driving, even though I’ve done around 40 lessons in total.
Am I just slow? Why can’t I manage something that almost everyone else seems to achieve? I can pass very difficult university exams, but I can’t pass this… it’s so frustrating.
I really need to get my license for work, and I will likely move out of the city with my husband when we start living together. There won’t even be public transportation. I feel like crying and I can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m exhausted, wallahi. I feel completely drained. Please make du’a for me. I’m really struggling, and the thought of starting all over again and spending another €3000 scares me so much.
I know this is a wrong way of thinking, but I keep asking myself: what have I done so wrong to deserve this? I always try to help those in difficulty, I try to be a good person who believes in Allah. But despite all my duaa and prayers, this situation is not improving. Even working hard on it . Astaghfirullah, I know it is wrong to say something like this, may Allah forgive me, but this is honestly how I feel.