I feel robbed of my teenage years by extremist religious advice
Hi everyone. I grew up in a household that was religious, but not in an ultra-conservative way. I didn’t wear the hijab until I was 15 (which was my own choice too). My parents didn’t force any sort of religious beliefs on me, I just had to figure things out on my own. Of course, there was the cultural side of it all, which was horrible, but other than that, religion-wise, it was normal.
That changed when I was 15 (after wearing the hijab) and started becoming more familiar with sheikhs on the internet. Unfortunately, I was indeed a victim of the sick “Salafis” (not mocking the Salaf in any way whatsoever, I’m specifically talking about those who call themselves that while taking things to the extreme).
I also made friends with the same mindset. Things like: you shouldn’t attend your graduation ceremony because it’s haram, you shouldn’t talk to men, you should only leave the house when it’s necessary, you shouldn’t wear bright colors, you shouldn’t wear kohl, you shouldn’t wear things that show your shoulders (because apparently your shoulders will attract men 😍😍).
Just a bunch of stupid things that I lived by for three years. Three years of my life went by while I aligned myself with those beliefs.
Then I moved abroad and started seeing things differently when it came to Islam, like actually learning Islam on my own, and it’s been such a weird journey. Because I’m so, so, SO angry(beyond words) that as a teenager, I was brainwashed into all of that, and that I could’ve lived normally. I literally cannot bring myself to look at the faces of the sheikhs I used to listen to. Recently, one of them died, and I couldn’t even bring myself to say “May Allah have mercy on him” because of the damage that was done to me, and the worse part is that I don’t want to even make dua for him, because I keep thinking about all the women who fell for this, including one of my closest friends.
She followed these people, and was influenced by it all to the point she got married at 18. Now she’s 20, on her own, trying to escape her abusive marriage.
I know it might seem like, now that I’m learning on my own, things are shifting, but it’s still so hard not to feel guilty about the years I wasted, about how I genuinely locked myself in the house and drove away friends. These people truly did have a hand in ruining some of my years, and I still can’t seem to let go of that anger.
I’m just so angry, for myself, for my friend, and for every woman out there.