u/Bibble_bib

A few months ago I was sexually assaulted by my best friend (guy) when I threw a small drink up at my house, I was extremely drunk I had drank nearly a full bottle of vodka (which I regret) and for a few weeks afterwards I was still in contact with him even though me friends were persistent that I blocked him but I just couldn’t because he was my best friend and he knew me like nobody else did. My friends confronted him and forced him to block me on everything (which hurt a lot) and then told my school what happened (I see why they did I’m not mad at them at all they just wanted to help me) my parents found out and all that. But what really got me like on here is that I miss him so much and I know I shouldn’t he was genuinely my best friend and it hurts so much whenever I hear his name or like see an old photo. I’m stuck I don’t know what to do I hate myself when I think about him, I just want it to go back to how it was and after the assault happened I dyed my hair bright blue and I miss that. My friends have stopped checking in on me about it because I joke about it a lot so they just assume I’m over it but I’m really not I think about it every day and every night, I’ve just gotten better at hiding it but I’m sick of hiding it