Life without you
James , i miss you so much, i.didnt know.it was even possible to feel this much , its been two months , since I lost you, I feel frozen in time , nothing is the same as it was, its like all the color left my world when you did , what we had was so invigorating, so real, and I would have taken a bullet for you 1000 times, you taught me that i can be loved , you worked so hard to get me to open my heart up , at first I refused , i knew better, life had taught me that opening your heart was a good way to get fucked up real quick. I was like "nah bro" , but you were patient and consistent, and one day , it hit me.,.i knew I loved you, you took me to my first gay club, first hotel room ,taught me that it was ok to be gay and i should be proud, I lost my parents this last year, father in June and my mother in March, and then life took you from me in the beginning of.april ,. Ive never felt so alone , when i hear a song we used to listen to together its everything i can do to not break down . i can close my eyes and remember the way you looked at me , and i would just smile . Id give anything for one more day with you .one more minute of looking into those beautiful crystal blue eyes . , i still have dreams about you touching me.,.hugging me .the way it felt to hold your hand , how i felt so safe and loved when you would kiss my forehead . When I wake up for a few seconds I forget youre gone. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks. Everything reminds me of you . but now that your gone, the world has dull and Grey. I feel lifeless , like a statue in someone's forgotten garden stuck, lost to time , cold and frozen.while the rest of the world carries on . It feels wrong . I came across our photo album yesterday in a box , as any reading this can probably imagine, seeing that drove that knife in a little deeper . I miss you James , there was so much left for you to teach me , we never got to go to the beach , or a football game. If heaven is real, if there is something more than this life ,.something after all this , I promise and i swear ill find you in the next one no matter how long it takes , ill never stop looking until we are reunited again. I love you Bear 💔💖 and ill never forget you.