My divorce will be final on the 13th. We did a dissolution. We rarely speak now, only business like texts about the kids or lingering things we need to do to make the split final. I found out he had multiple affairs while on military orders. I spent a year and a half begging him for repair. I NEVER wanted to put my kids through a divorced childhood. A switch finally flipped and I just realized I was totally done last August. He had been living 3 hours away for a year at this point, on orders.
I have been in therapy for several years now. I started dating back in October and I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man now. I realize how bad the relationship with my ex husband was now. We were young, traumatized kids who found safety in each other. Neither of us even realized how much trauma we had when we got married, let alone healed any of it. I know I never want to go back. Being in a healthy relationship now makes me so sad to see what I put up with.
On the flip side though, with the finalization coming up I am grieving a lot. We were together for 15 years. We got married at 21. I don't know what to do with all the photos on my phone. I feel weird deleting them. He isn't close with his family, so the only pictures of him from like 19-33 are in my phone. What do I do with the family photo ornaments?
I created a "dead dove, do not eat" box (this is a fanfic community reference, basically means what is inside is rough/painful/open with caution). I found the printed copy of our wedding vows, all the little things I had saved from when we were dating. Things from our honeymoon. Part of me feels guilty and weird for holding on to these things. I don't want him back and I have moved on. But I can't throw them away. They make me cry looking at them, but in a weird way I can't just throw them away because that was my life. The grief I carry now is saying goodbye to that life that I lived for 15 years. I never thought it would be any different. I thought we would always be a family, we would always be able to laugh and reminisce together. Now I'm in a completely new life. My ex husband doesn't even know what I do for work now. It just seems so odd for someone who at one time knew me so intimately.
Sorry this is rambling. Just in my head a lot tonight.