It’s been 1.5 weeks since the breakup and I miss her so much. I have nightmares about her every night, where she’s controlling me, and I have no control (teeth falling out, etc.) I’ve been crying every day. I know we can’t get back together because we want different things in life, so it’s pointless to reach out and break no contact. But she was my best friend, and I don’t know how to go on without her. Is anyone else going through something similar?
I’m a 29 year old woman who was in a relationship until 7 days ago. We were together for a year and a half, and I gave her every piece of me I had to give. I bought her a puppy and raised it. I sacrificed a lot in terms of work and friends for her. I’ve been going to therapy for a year for her. I totally rearranged my life for her, because we were so in love and I wanted to do everything possible to make her happy.
Our relationship has always been somewhat volatile, and she has broken up with me 5 times in the past. After one of those times (about a year ago) I told her she had to be okay with not having kids if she wanted to get back together. She agreed.
Anyway 3 weeks ago I got laid off. I’ve been interviewing for new jobs for over a year and haven’t gotten a single offer. I’m crushed by this and at a low emotionally. Then a week ago she decided to have the “do we want kids” conversation again out of nowhere. She told me she changed her mind and she isn’t willing to be with me if I don’t want kids. So even though we are “soulmates” according to her, and I “showed her what a great relationship is supposed to feel like”, she ended things.
I’m absolutely devastated. I’ve been crying nonstop and can barely function. Looking back, I do think she took advantage of all I was willing to offer, and I started to lose myself in the relationship. My friends and family noticed. And I know I would regret being a parent if I agreed. But at the same time, I feel like the floor has crumbled underneath me, and my life is over as I know it (especially with my career up in the air at the same time.) I know this is the right choice. I initiated no contact 5 days ago, and decided to give her full custody of the dog so I wouldn’t have to see her. But I am so so sad and heartbroken.
Please share any words of encouragement or similar experiences if you have them <3