u/Bertie_Bye

When I don’t have work to do and I’m free to do whatever I want, I just want to do stuff but I don’t tend to do much. I’ll watch dozens of YouTube videos and then perhaps draw for an hour, and play a video game for another hour. Then watch more videos until it’s time to sleep.

I know I should go for walks but it’s just hard for me to leave the house, I think it has to do with motivation. I would love to learn new stuff and not be “wasting” my time, or use my drawing skills to make a comic or some other creative project. But I never feel like doing anything other than “pretty pictures”

How do you spend your weekends / days off? Any advice to better spend my time?

My parents don’t know where I live, but we still have contact online plus I might visit them 2 or 3 times a year, random days in a year, never for holidays. Just to check up on ‘em.

Nmother has been abusive towards me when I was a minor and as an adult. Any time I would call her out on her behavior would be like “that never happened”, I would pressure her about how that DID indeed happen and she would be like “well but you’ve deserved it”. She’s never had an ounce on remorse in her body despite all the physical pain, her constant name-calling, accusing me of doing p*rn, all sort of terrible yet wacky shenanigans.

Just a few weeks ago, I saw my dad, but NOT my Nmom. That prompted her to send her first “apology letter”, it was a badly spelled message on WhatsApp saying how she “might have” done things wrong, but then went on a tangent saying “you’re destroying the family, you’re hurting your grandma, dad, your brother and me by not visiting us”. And ended the letter saying something like “I know you’re not happy” like.. ma’am, I AM HAPPY because I’m no longer seeing you anymore.

I didn’t respond, and two or three weeks passed and then she sent me a photo of a hand-written letter on WhatsApp. This time it does read more like an apology letter… but it doesn’t read like she came up with those words herself. It does have her usual spelling mistakes, but the expressions are things that my dad would say. So I think my dad told her what to write, it feels dishonest.

I seriously know she’s desperate and wants to reconnect, but I don’t see it as honest, and nothing tells me she’s changed. I don’t want to reconnect, at least not yet, because I worry she’ll just go back to her old scummy behavior.