u/Bennybby47

I’m truly ashamed of myself. I’ve been with this girl 4 years and i hit her. I was heavily drinking and got wasted and missed picking her up from the airport. I don’t even remember touching her or even anything until the police came and arrested me. She didn’t press charges but I feel like she should have. I’m so deeply ashamed of myself and I can’t believe I did this to her. She still wants to be together as long as I quit drinking and do therapy but telling her we shouldn’t be together she wants to and I just feel like how can I stay with her after doing this? I feel so horrible about myself and as someone who went through domstic violence as a child I feel so much more ill about myself. I’m struggling with depression and suicide now. I feel like I’ve ruined my whole life and lost the only person there for me. I’m not close with any of my family I’ve lived with her and her family for 3 years due to having issues with my own and I feel so horrible to her family to for doing this that there messaging me if I’m okay and I just feel so bad I can’t even reply. She says I’m being hard on myself and trying to comfort me but it’s just not true like I don’t get how she can forgive me and I can’t leave her I want to be with her so bad but I feel like she deserves to be freed idk. I truly don’t know what to do with myself . Whats the right thing to do? Please advise I have nobody I can talk to