u/BennyG59

We have been together for almost 2 years at this point. Ive gone through a lot of mental physical and emotional changes cause of medication. But I also havent been giving it my 100% all for her. With my negativity its starting to really weigh on her mental and emotional health. I work 40-50 hour weeks mon-fri doing foundation repair (laborious) and working outside in the nebraska humidity really take it out of you sometimes. She works thurs-sun just over 30 hours at a grocery store. We have an offset schedule cause of our pets and it is truly what works best for us. She has been through beyond enough in life already. She deserves to live free and for herself. I want to do everything for her that she doesnt want to do of course. So i do all of our laundry and fold it. I do our dishes and mainly our roomates dishes as well. I tend to our cat and dog, i also have fish but those arent hers. I manage my finances she manages her own and the little things we have together (streaming platforms). She also manages our groceries and meal plans for us throughout the week. Making her delicious homemade lunches and dinners. She also mops the floors and wipes down the surfaces and basic everyday organization.

We both go to the gym together because its been one thing to help build positivity in the relationship. She has expressed to me how much love she has for me and she really doesnt want to but she has giving herself up for everyone just to be walked on and shes tired of it. So there is nothing holding her back in leaving our relationship.

We havent had intimacy for months 1. cause of my own mental health and 2. she just isnt interested and turned off. Weve had a few sit down deep discussions about what she isnt getting in the relationship and its the same things over and over. Yes, its my fault I havent changed but with life moving so fast and working, coming home, cleaning, and sleeping, repeat. It gets hard to find that time and let alone spend it on myself.

She says I dont get her enough little gifts (gift baskets, flowers, etc). the only excuse i have for this is that weve been tight on money, and it may be a few dollars at the time but at the end of the month that really racks up. So I usually hand make things, I write her little sticky notes almost every morning before i leave for work. Ill make little cards and little handmade love letters. I am not an artist whatsoever so yes it doesnt look super cool and professional but i do try my hardest.

Im horrible at time managment, I dont plan dates i dont have that "this is what were doing" mindset. But majority of the time when i do, she gets upset with me because she doesnt feel like it, its poorly planned or simply she doesnt like it. I do have a hard time paying attention to little details and i tend to have to write EVERYTHING down and she just wishes i could remember. She doesnt feel appreciated or special because I simply cant remember things big or small.

So yes I know there is SEVERAL things i need to work on and step up. Im currently working on brain games and building more "brainess". But with not getting thank yous or any general appreciation for what i do it really takes a toll on my mental. How can i just suck it up and be a fucking man? How can i bring more positivity into our lives? Advice for small gestures that mean a lot to a girl? How to find her love language since what she telling me isnt what she wants. (hopefully this makes sense thank you for your time)