Hi everyone. I’m asking for advice here because I am currently not allowed to talk to any females in my real life, and I really need a woman's perspective to help me understand my girlfriend.
Our Background
We met online (Telegram) back in 2022 during our 10th-grade board exams. We’ve been talking almost daily since then, with a few breaks (she had a relationship in late 2022, and we took time off for her drop-year prep). We officially got together in December 2024. This is a long-distance relationship, and we haven't been able to meet in person yet, though we hope to soon.
The Addiction & Trust Issues
Early in our relationship (Jan/Feb 2025), I confessed to her that I had a porn addiction and asked for her help to quit. As ofcourse no female would like it. I slowly reduced it and stopped completely by May, but I had relapses every 1-2 months until December. Because I swore not to use actual websites, my addicted brain found loopholes—I relapsed by using Reddit, web series once, and another time by anime.
This made her incredibly vulnerable and caused a lot of toxicity between us. In 2026, I committed to staying busy myself with fieldwork and tech opportunities, which kept me clean. However, after recent college exams in April left me with free time and an "empty brain," I started having bad urges again. I am terrified to tell her. She has a major competitive exam at the end of May, and I know sharing this will cause massive stress, make her hyper, and restart the toxic cycle.
The Restrictions & Isolation
Because of my past relapses, my girlfriend has put very strict restrictions on me:
No Entertainment: I am not allowed to watch anime, web series, or movies (even clean ones) because they were a way a loophole in the past.
No Friends or Other Women: I can't hang out with my friends (mostly because they do cigerette/alcohol, which I avoid myself, but I'm still not allowed to go). I am strictly not allowed to talk to any other girls due to her past relationship trauma.
My only allowed entertainment is scrolling YouTube Shorts, purely because she likes them and feels them safe. But personally I don't like them.
I don't use instagram myself and only thing I liked and to get myself refreshed for the entire life had always been anime.
Because of this, I have no channel for entertainment or stress relief, and I stay frustrated and empty most of the time.
The Communication Disconnect
She always tells me that I am a good person and she could be my friend for life, but she constantly complains about me as a partner. She says:
I don't put in the effort.
I don't understand her emotionally.
I need to either fix myself or leave her.
We are stuck in a cycle where we fight, everything is fine for next 3-4 days, and then it repeats. I have tried asking her what she wants, and I've even tried watching relationship advice videos, but I just don't understand what "putting in effort" actually looks like in practice or how to implement it. I never leave my brain empty to think of romantic things to do for her, and when I do have free time, my mind just goes to those negative urges.
I really love her, and we always stick together after every fight, we stay on video call 24/7, studying and all and talking, but I am at a breaking point. I don't want to tell her about my recent urges because I don't want to face even stricter restrictions or ruin her exam prep. And another factor is that we are already fighting over other things and shes not satisfied with me right now.
TL;DR: I have been in an LDR with my girlfriend since late 2024. I struggled with a porn addiction which caused major trust issues. Now, I have strict boundaries placed on me (no movies/anime, no friends, no talking to other girls, on video call 24/7). I am having urges again due to stress, but I'm terrified to tell her. She constantly complains that I don't put in effort or understand her emotionally, and I am completely lost on how to fix things.
My Questions:
What does it actually mean to "put in effort" and "understand her emotionally" in an LDR? What specific things can I do?
How do I handle these returning urges without destroying her mental peace before her exam?
How can I make her happy and fix this relationship when I feel so restricted and burned out?