Okay guys, it's been awhile but I have a conundrum. Me and my partner, let's call him Bluejay, have been in a dynamic since shortly after she started dating 7 years ago. It has always had its ups and downs, but it seems when he takes on a new partner/sub that I consistently have to advocate for our dynamic, and I am stating to feel like our Kink dynamic is in trouble since it's becoming difficult for us to do scenes or most things in our dynamic.
He has been seeing his partner for over a year, let's call her Chickadee. Bluejay seemed way more responsive and available for kink when it comes to Chickadee. Even had told me he lets her Sub out quite often.
We have had so many conversations and plans that fall through when it comes to kink and recently I have been constantly asking for a scene or opportunity to Sub out for the evening. It feels like it's consistently met with resistance or I'm too tired.
Background information, we do have older kids (practically adults) and one lives with us full time. We have built systems for us to have separate spaces that are secure for kinky business. I have a few chronic illnesses and he has a high stress job.
Here is the issue: I have asked probably 5 or 6 times over the past two weeks to have a scene or something so that I can feel satiated until we re do our collaring ceremony. Which has also been put off for unknown reasons. This weekend he went away with Chickadee and took some gear for kinky times. He also resolved his dynamic with Chickadee, and now I'm feeling.. lost.
I have ugly feelings that I don't want bouncing around inside of me, but mostly I'm just disappointed. I don't know how to approach this and gently ask what's going on with our dynamic without accusations. I really just want to know if I should redirect my kink with a different partner and move to the morning stage of the dynamic.
This has bled over into our regular relationship which for the most part is secure and stable. I know he has a tendency to be defensive and avoidant when it comes to difficult conversation that could potentially be disruptive to our life. I do want to reassure him that I don't need kink to be in a relationship with him. Any advice would be wonderful!?
TIA