Husband cheated with my best friend
I (30F) have been with my husband since high school. We’ve been together 13 years, married almost 6, and we have two little boys together (4 years old and a 9-month-old).
About two months ago, my husband came home from work and told me he was “in love” with my best friend. He packed a bag and left me and our kids at home while I completely fell apart. What I later found out is that he had been talking to my best friend behind my back for about 8 days, they had been meeting up at her work during lunch, touching each other, had sex in her work parking lot, and they ended up getting a hotel room together the night he left. They had sex, and after about two hours he came back home saying he realized he didn’t want to lose his family.
The problem is… this is not actually the first time he’s cheated. Years ago I suspected something with a coworker. He denied everything for years. I only recently found out, through my former best friend, that he had actually kissed that coworker multiple times and lied to me about it the entire time.
So now I’m trying to figure out if I’m staying because I truly want to, or because I’m terrified of blowing up my children’s lives and losing the only life I’ve ever known. I love my husband deeply. He’s remorseful. He’s trying. He’s patient with my anger and panic attacks and says he’ll spend the rest of his life proving he loves me.
But I feel fundamentally changed. I don’t recognize myself anymore. I go through moments where I feel numb, moments where I feel fine, and moments where I completely spiral. Sometimes I feel like I should leave and find someone who would never put me through this. Other times I cannot imagine not having him in my life because he has been my best friend since I was a teenager.
What makes this even harder is that the affair was with my BEST FRIEND. Someone I loved like family. She continued hanging out with me, telling me she loved me, while secretly sleeping with my husband and talking about leaving our spouses for each other.
I genuinely don’t know what the right decision is anymore.
People who stayed after repeated betrayal: did you ever truly heal or trust them again?
People who left: did you regret it? And how did your children handle it?
I’m just looking for honest perspectives because I feel completely lost. Trust me, I know I look crazy staying right now. I’m humiliated, confused, and not myself. I just want to do what is best for my boys.