A friend of mine once told me marry someone that loves, not someone that you love. At the time, I didn’t think of it much, but it completely made sense to me recently.
Last year, I had the time to spend time with two potentials in separate time. I met them both through dating apps and I kinda got along with both of them. I met the first one after I got out of complicated relationship, which took me months to detach myself from her. When I met the first one, I kinda lacked any emotions and I wasnt romantic enough according to her. So I didn’t put much effort into the relationship. Somehow that resulted in her falling in love with in very bad way and that kinda pushed me away from her. So we ended up mutually ending things for good, but we stayed in touch.
Also the second one, we met online and she lives in another city, which is like 3 hours drive. At the beginning, I didn’t know my prior relationship kinda trained my subconscious that I wasnt romantic enough and I should be more romantic. Somehow I developed strong feelings towards the second in the first month after I met her few times and I started planning wedding and stuff. She kept telling me that she is not ready yet and let’s take more time. Fast forward to after 4 months, I get to know she had really bad habits and had multiple male friends. I didn’t like that fact but my feelings for her was kinda making blind about her bad habits. There was a day I decided to confront her and ask her why doesn’t she want to get married. Apparently, she told me that we’re not financially ready and we should spend more time working, so that can build comfortable life. I insisted that I was financially ready and will provide with whatever that’s necessary. I had an okay job. I was working as a security, but was good money (about 70K a year), but for someone she made me feel like I was doing low standard job. Keep in mind, she was working in hospital as custodial worker as part time. I asked her what kind of mehr does she want. She told me that she wants 40k mehr. I knew she was being sarcastic but I didn’t bother to listen to any more of that. So we decided to end things. At some point, I felt like since she doesn’t respect my job, money will always gonna be an issue.
At the mean time, I am currently talking with the first one (not dating). Apparently, I went back to her because of my friend’s advice long time ago. The person that loves will accept you in any condition or form, but the person you love is quite the opposite. Your love spoils all the good things in you that they will only focus on the bad things.