I’ve been going back and forth in my head, so I’m writing everything out.
I grew up in a house that never felt safe. There was constant chaos, fights, beating and I remember hearing crying almost every day as a kid. There were also things happening in the house that no child should be exposed to. It created a constant state of stress and confusion for me growing up.
When it came to education, instead of support, I faced interference:
I didn’t have a proper place to study. At one point, I was given a metal shed-like room that would get so hot I would literally feel sick sitting there.
During exams, there were constant interruptions—calls, relatives, noise. Even when I asked for peace for a few days, it wasn’t respected.
I never got proper academic support—books were old, environment was unstable.
Still, I pushed through:
did my engineering
worked low-paying jobs
gave tuitions
eventually got into a PhD
now earn 6 figures salary, all without family support
But the environment never changed.
Throughout my adult life:
I was constantly criticized and insulted
My parents would count how much they “spent” on me and use it against me
They interfered with my career and studies repeatedly
They spread negative things about me to relatives and even people outside
They tried to control my life decisions
When I told them about my partner, things got worse:
They created chaos and pressure
They didn’t attend my wedding
Instead, they sent people who I felt were monitoring or interfering
They also spoke negatively about my wife
Even during COVID, when I was helping financially (groceries, expenses, even medical stuff), I was still treated badly.
Recently, things escalated to the point where I had a panic attack in public. After that:
I couldn’t eat properly for almost a month
I felt dizzy constantly
I realized this wasn’t sustainable
So I made a decision:
I blocked all of them
I stopped all contact
I didn’t attend my sister’s wedding last month
That part is hitting me hard. She was the last sibling to get married, and I still care about her. She even called crying. But I also know that if I went, it would likely have turned into confrontation, pressure, or something worse.
Even when I had maintained relationships in the past, they would:
talk badly about me
interfere
create new issues
So I feel like the outcome would have been the same again.
My dilemma:
I feel:
relief (because I finally have peace)
but also guilt and sadness
My questions:
Is it reasonable to keep no-contact permanent in a situation like this?
Is it wrong if I choose not to attend future major events, even funerals?
How do you deal with the guilt of “not showing up,” even when you know it’s not safe?