I (25F) am starting to doubt if my LDR with BF (23M) is the right thing for me?
For context, I am from the UK and he is from Canada, when we first discussed the possibility of a relationship after finding out we had feelings for eachother we established that he would be the one that moves to the UK, but we are both kinda broke so we couldn't really set a timeline for when things will progress because of that. We have been official for around 10 months, and went 8 months between our first and second visit.
I do love my boyfriend, he is an amazing person, I trust him so much, he is always reassuring me and showing that he loves me with words, calling every day, watching shows together etc etc.
However, I've been really struggling at the moment with the lack of physical presence recently, and the fact that I have been the one to make the effort to plan and pay for both visits so far. Despite him saying he wants to move to the UK, he has never even visited here and it worries me that he doesn't make that effort to save up and visit.
He currently works as a youtuber, but as he isn't "big" yet he doesn't earn enough to support himself and lives at home with family (he earns around the equivalent of 2 days a week at minimum wage I think?). I have suggested many times that he gets a part time job to support his youtube, but he refuses as he believes it will prevent him from putting "100% effort and time" into his channel.
I brought this up with him recently, he apologised and said he was trying his best to save money for a trip, he was sorry that i felt hurt by this, and he might try to get a job.
But I almost feel like my feelings are fading away, as with many ldr couples, conversations start to become routine rather than deep. I am also someone who loves quality time (mostly in person activities) and physical affection, and long distance obviously lacks that. The fact the gap between our first and second time meeting irl was so long also didn't help.
He also has depression, and struggles to find motivation to look after himself, he doesn't have many friends and tends to isolate himself, saying that I'm the only one he needs. He also struggles with caring for himself from a health point of view, he doesn't eat healthy or workout anymore (he used to be super fit and healthy a couple years before I met him). Side note: I'm an extremely optimistic and positive person who always tries to see the good in people and situations, I'm also super active person, so fitness and good health are also qualities I like in a partner.
I'm obviously doing everything I can to support him, and have tried to advise him to get the help he needs to get back on track, but he refsues therapy and medical help and just says "I have got my own demons to fight, but I'll be okay".
He says he's going to improve, he's going to work out, he's going to get a job etc but its all just words, I don't really see him act on his words. I have given him so so many chances already, and I'm trying to be understanding of his situation, but I just feel a bit emotionally disconnected from this relationship right now.
At this point in time, I feel like he loves me more than I love him, but I do still love him and really really want him to heal. He's such an amazing boyfriend, on calls or in person, his personality, humour, interests etc. He cares so deeply about me, but not about himself, it upsets me 🥲
I then start overthinking, am I in love with the idea/potential of him? Is waiting for the distance to end worth it? Is this the right relationship for me? Should I keep doing this or end it to find someone I can actually spend time in person with (but I don't want to lose him 😭)?
For some extra context, my previous relationship was with the man of my absolute dreams who I really really thought was the one, but his visa ended and he had to go home, with no plan on if/when he could return and he didn't want to keep me waiting when the future was so uncertain for him, so we didn't try long distance. We ended on good terms and are still in touch every now and then for life updates, not crossing any boundaries of friendship though.
I find myself comparing my current BF to my ex a lot, and i hate that feeling but I just can't help it, its kind of like intrusive thoughts? but it just further complicates my feelings in the relationship.
I think i just need an outsiders perspective? What more can I do to encourage my bf to get better? Does it sound like this relationship is right for me? How do i stop overthinking?
(He might be visiting me in July for our anniversary, depending on if he can afford the flight and gets his passport renewed, but I keep having to push for him to sort that out and I am paying for airbnb)